Let me start by telling you, Sonya did not get her first tooth until a week before her first birthday. Consequently, she probably won't start loosing her teeth until she learns to drive. Unfortunately, she already has friends in kindergarten who have started losing their baby teeth. Five year olds. Losing teeth. ALREADY. Of course, the little girl who has lost a couple teeth is her best friend, Lourdes, who lives down the street. If Lourdes is losing her teeth then she should be too, right? Oh poor Sonya. It's gonna be a while, baby.
Let's be honest, the only reason she wants to lose these teeth is because of this tooth fairy she's heard about who gives out money. Or in her friend Lourdes's case, TOYS.
A few days before Christmas, Sonya started talking about Lourdes losing her teeth. When was she going to lose hers and did I know the tooth fairy brings makeup, and crayons and TOYS?? Wait- WHAT? And now... a tangent!
Parents of young kids, listen up! We need to get together on this. We can not have some of you handing out toys and makeup for your kid losing a tooth, while the rest of us hand out a dollar. There was one little girl who told me once, the tooth fairy gave her twenty dollars. TWENTY DOLLARS! FOR A TOOTH! I need to find THAT tooth fairy, because I'll knock out my own damn teeth and put them under my pillow, if that's the going rate. I remember getting a quarter or maybe fifty cents. I understand about inflation, but toys? I mean don't our kids get enough for birthdays and Christmas? Do we really need to give them that much for losing a little tooth? I say not! Who's with me on this? We all have to do the same thing, because it doesn't work if we don't. Here's why.
After Sonya informed me that Lourdes got all these wonderful things for losing her tooth, I told her,
"Well, the tooth fairy doesn't give everyone makeup and crayons for losing a tooth. Most kids just get a dollar."
She sat, looked at me, thought for a minute then said,
"No, Lourdes just lives down the street, so the tooth fairy is the same."
How the hell do I respond to that?? She thinks the tooth fairy is like the mailman and the one assigned to our street happens to bring good shit. My only response I could think of was,
"Yeah well, we'll see what happens when you lose a tooth."
"Yeah, but Lourdes is only down the street," she says to me again, just in case I didn't hear the first time. See it's the same tooth fairy mom, so she'll bring me the same stuff!! Great.
The only thing I have going for me at this point is, it'll be at least a year, or more, before she looses her teeth. When she does, hopefully she'll have forgotten about Lourdes prizes. If not, I'll just have to tell her that the other tooth fairy retired and we got a new one in the neighborhood. This one just brings dollar bills.