Wednesday, September 29, 2010

A Lesson On Raising a Boy

Well, I'm back from my east coast getaway!  My girls are all still in one piece and the house is still standing.  Andy did an excellent job as stay at home Daddy for the four days I was gone.  They all did miss me too, which was nice.  I missed them as well.  Especially when I called to check in and both Lana and Georgia burst into tears at the sound of my voice.  I almost broke down myself.  Still, they survived and when I came back yesterday they were thrilled to see me.  Today we're back to the routine and it's like I never left.  I do feel re-energized though and more like good Mommy, instead of burnt out Mommy.

It was so much fun to see my sister, her husband, and their kids.  They were great for the first couple days I was there.  Zach had a bit of a rough day on Monday though.  I decided then I was ready to go home and deal with my kids and their own brand of bad behavior.  I wasn't used to dealing with a boy.  Gracie I knew how to handle, because if she got upset it was the same behavior I deal with at home.  Whining and crying.  Although, my girls could teach her a thing or two in that department.  She's quiet compared to them.  However, the boy thing always throws me.  They are just different.  Zach is more rough, there really isn't much crying and no whining.  Boys are also a little more um...gross.  I figured since I spent the last few days with my sister's kids, this post could be about them.  Or more accurately Zach, and the fun time we had with him on Sunday afternoon.  Fair Warning: there will be talk of poop in this post.  

On Sunday, my sister planned for us to drive up to Charlottesville, VA to go apple picking and wine tasting.  Since we don't get to go apple picking here in Southern CA and I'm always up for wine tasting, it sounded like a great time to me.  The weather was perfect for that kind of day too.  Better than what I would have dealt with here at home. (110 degree heat! YUCK!!) There it was cloudy and cool.  It felt like fall was in the air.  We went to the apple orchard and walked down the hill to the apples we were told to pick.  Beth had baby Ben in a baby carrier, and I held on to Gracie's hand while Zach ran ahead of us.  We filled our plastic bags with pounds of Jonagold apples.  We also sampled some of them while we picked.  The kids sampled quite a few.  I think I counted about four different apples that Gracie had munched on.  They never fully finished them, but it was still a lot of apple.   If you're not aware, apples have a quite a bit of fiber.  Fiber which can help make one... well poop better.  Or sometimes maybe too much.

We got done with our apple picking and headed over to a place for lunch just down the street.  They had a buffet of southern fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans etc.  Yeah, I didn't eat so healthy this weekend and my scale, as a result, is not being so friendly.  Looks like I'll be pumping up the P90X this week. Anyway, We had lunch with friends of Beth's who met us up there and had brought their two boys along. After our really unhealthy, but so damn tasty lunch, we went off to find a couple nearby wineries.  

Now, I had never been wine tasting with kids before.  Apparently my sister had.  I wasn't quite sure how well this would work, but it was actually OK.  These particular wineries did have big open spaces outside for the kids to run around while we had our wine.  So we took turns wine tasting and watching the kids as they raced around.  

Zach and his friend Matthew were racing each other back and forth across a big open lawn, while my sister and her friend bought a couple bottles of wine after our  first tasting.  As we headed to the car to find the next winery, Kevin mentioned to Beth that Zach might have had an accident.   Beth asked Kevin what he was talking about. He informed her that while Zach was running around he heard a loud "ppppttthhhaattt" come from Zach's behind.  Then he slowed down running and started to move a little funny.  That's when Kevin noticed something wet on his jeans, and had hoped Zach had just sat down on something wet, but instinct told him different.  It wasn't too long after that we headed to the car and Kevin felt he should tell Beth, before Zach sat down in his car seat.  I looked at the back of Zach's pants and sure enough there was a big wet spot .  

"Yup there's a wet spot on his jeans," I told Beth.  "But since he's not my kid, I'm not confirming if it's poop or not.  All yours!"  I said and walked away.  I did however, change Gracie's poopy diaper.  That seemed like the better deal to me.  

Kevin took the bullet and found that it did indeed smell like poop on his jeans.  

"Zach!  What happened?" Beth asked.  

Zach just ignored this questioned and tried to make his way to his car seat, but Beth grabbed him and tried to talk to him again.  He wouldn't tell her anything, most likely from embarrassment, so Beth had to take off his pants and find out what happened herself.  

What had happened to Zach is something that has happened to most of us at one point or another, no doubt.  It's what we like to refer to as a "shartShart combines two words together, in case you're wondering.  This is what happened to Zach, as he was running around after being filled with apples and fried chicken.  

Now you're probably wondering, "how did it get on his jeans though?  Wouldn't underwear catch that?"  Ah yes, that would have been the case, if he had been WEARING ANY.  Zach had decided that morning, while getting dressed, to not put on any underwear, unbeknownst to us.  Actually the night before, when he was getting ready for bed, he took them off to put on his PJs.  I asked Beth about it at the time and she said it was fine.  Then when he dressed himself the next morning, he decided to go commando.  There was nothing to catch what came out besides his jeans.  

At this point Beth started scrambling to  figure out what to do.  Zach is almost five, so she doesn't keep extra clothes for him in the diaper bag anymore.  The options were, stay in the gross jeans or go naked.  Neither one was really a good option.  Then I spot on the floor of the van a plastic bag with some clothes.  I grabbed it and pulled out a pair of jeans, with the tags still on, in a size 5.  

"What are these?" I asked Beth.

"Oh, I forgot about those.  Jeans I was going to take back because they were too big for him," She said.

"Well, he'll grow into them eventually," I said, tossing them to her.  

She got him cleaned up and the new jeans on, sans underwear of course, and we were on our way. Beth, Kevin and I couldn't help laughing at the situation the whole way to the next winery.  

Zach was fine for the rest of the day.  Beth told him he didn't have any underwear on and we were out of jeans, so he better be careful.  Then that evening as Kevin was getting the kids ready for their bath it happened again.   Zach, was peeing, standing up as boys do, when he had to pass gas again.  This time there was nothing to catch what came out.  Let's just say, Beth had to clean up the bathroom floor with some Clorox wipes.  I know, ewwwww, but I warned you before you read this.  I think that time I laughed so hard I almost sharted myself.  Kevin was completely grossed out because he actually watched it happen.  EWWWWW!

 See this is a situation I highly doubt I would ever encounter with any of my girls, mostly because they would not go without underwear.  That is something guys can get away with...unless this happens.  I do thank Zach for giving me this story though.  It gave me a "mom of a boy" viewpoint for once.  I'm sure there are those of you out there who will appreciate that.  In the end, I think the lesson here is be careful how many apples you feed your children.  Or at  the very least,  make sure they're wearing underwear if it's going to be a lot.

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