"I don't think Mommy can handle three girls anymore," because I was getting frustrated with one of the girls about something. Thanks, babe. Then I thought about it, and he is right. I guess I've just been feeling "burnt out", so to speak. Don't get me wrong, I love my girls more than anything and I like staying home with them, but all the whining, crying and FIGHTING has been starting to wear on me. Not to mention how they don't listen to me and general bad behavior on a daily basis. I'm sure it's partially because we have things to do just about every day and I'm running around like crazy, since Sonya then Lana started school. I know this is part of the kids getting older and getting more involved in activities, but damn it's hard to get used to. I long for the days of having one baby and hanging out at home just trying to get her to roll over.
Then there's the fact that I was sick last week, and then Andy got sick on Thursday, which meant I had no break from the girls all weekend. Sometimes he will take a couple of them out on the weekend with him to run errands or go bike riding, giving me a small break. He'll also help out with bath and bedtime, but since he was sick AND working all weekend (albeit from home), I didn't get that. These are the times it REALLY sucks that all of our family is on the other side of the country. I would have loved nothing more than to drop them all off at a grandparents' house for the day.
I did discover, however, my patience with them is much better when I only have one or even two to deal with. I took Sonya on Saturday to go play mini-golf, as a reward for her good behavior chart. The other two were napping so it was a perfect opportunity for us to have some one on one time. Something she and I don't get much of at all anymore. We had a great time. She listened as I tried to show her how to putt and she ended up doing really well. Afterward we shared a lemonade and a stale soft pretzel. Not the best food at the Castle Park Mini-Golf, but we enjoyed hanging out, just the two of us.
Then yesterday, I threw a surprise baby shower for my friend, Ann. Sonya and Lana came with me and GG stayed home. Partially because it was during her nap, but mostly because I knew I would have had to keep her entertained. The older two I didn't have to worry about. They were so well behaved. They played and did what I asked, there was no fighting or whining, and I was able to get everything done I needed to without hassle from them.
I've also realized that my days aren't so bad until Sonya comes home and adds the third party dynamic. Then everyone falls apart. It's not just her, it's anytime all three of them are together. They are CRAZY! Lana is willing to go along with Sonya when it's just the two of them, but when Lana has Georgia to control, there is a power struggle. Hence, the whining, screaming, and constant FIGHTING. I know the fighting is just karma coming back and biting me in the ass for all the fighting I did with my own sisters when I was a kid. Sorry, mom. I get it. Karma can stop now.
I'm sure other moms have felt this way... I think. Some days are just hard. Andy helps when he can, but most nights he comes home after the entire bedtime routine is done. By that point in the day I'm REALLY done. At every turn I'm surprised by how hard this job is, and while, I love it, sometimes I do need a break. Even people who go to a job they love need to take a vacation every once in a while, but even when we take a vacation as a family, I don't get a vacation. So here are my solutions for my current problem:
1-Drink more wine-preferably during the day to take the edge off
2-Sell one of the girls
3-Go away for the weekend, by myself
Well, after much consideration here are the conclusions I came to. The first option, while appealing is generally frowned upon when raising kids and having to drive places. Plus then words like "alcoholic" and "intervention" get tossed around and who needs that? I considered Valium too, but I think that has the same effect. Although, I haven't completely thrown that one out for emergency situations.
The second idea does seem extreme but trust me, on days when one of them is being a complete pain in the ass, it seems like a viable option. However, I love them all so much and I'm sure whichever one I choose to sell one day, I'd be sorry and missing them the next. Although the extra money would be nice and since they are quite cute, I think I could could get a pretty penny for one of them. Still, Andy might take issue with this so not the best option.
So, I decided to settle for option 3. This is actually a plan that has been in the works for about a month now, and it couldn't have come at a better time. I'm leaving Friday night to visit my sister Beth and her family. I got to see Megan, her new baby and family when they came here in June. If I don't go see Beth and her newest addition, Ben, who knows when I'll get to meet him.
Yes, I know, she now has three kids too and I'm just trading my three for hers, but the thing is they're NOT MINE. Therefore, they will still be cute and fun and not have the same annoyances I have with my own. Plus kids are always better for people who aren't there parents. At least for the first day or two. By the time they get used to me and show their true colors, I'll be on a plane back home to my own. They will have missed me, be happy to see me and perhaps even be good for a day because of it. Okay, maybe half a day. Still, it'll be a much needed break for me and for them. Then they get to spend four fun filled days with Daddy! He's always complaining that he doesn't get to see them enough. He may not complain after this weekend. Especially when he gets to do my crazy Tuesday next week. Good luck, babe! It'll be good for everyone. Not to mention I'm really excited to see my sister, who I haven't seen in over a year.
Well, that's the plan. Take a break. Something every mom needs to do sometimes, whether she stays at home or works at a paying job. We need a break from everything and everyone sometimes, and while I really believe this is true and that there is nothing wrong with it, I know I will have guilt when I leave. I know I will miss the girls terribly and probably count the hours until I come home. But hopefully, it'll give me back some of my patience that I seem to be losing lately, and make me a better mommy. That whole phrase "Can't live with them, can't live without them," I'm pretty sure it was a mother who came up with it.