Build Up To Break Down

As I mentioned in my last post, I disappeared for a while because my sister was visiting with her family.  She also has three kids, which means there were six kids and four adults in my house for a week.  That's ten people, for those mathematically challenged.  SIX of them were kids.  Did I mention my house is only 1600 square feet?  Yeah it got a bit squishy at times, but it really wasn't that bad.  For the most part were weren't home except to sleep. And to drink LOTS of wine.  Hence the reason my posts have been lacking.  There were trips to, the beach, Disneyland, The Aquarium of the Pacific, The Getty Museum, and Grandpa's house to go swimming.  It was bit busy.  One of my favorite, yet most exhausting days was most definitely Disneyland.  I mean who doesn't love Disneyland?  After all it IS the happiest place on earth.  Someone just forgot to tell Lana that.

Yes, this is yet another one of those posts where I wonder what to do with that kid.  Don't roll your eyes, YOU don't live with her.  Her emotions are always so hot and cold.  It's been like that since she was a baby.  We used to joke and call her bi-polar baby.  I know, we are such awesome parents.  Anyway, she woke up that morning a ray of sunshine.  In fact she was the only one of all the kids who got up, got dressed, had breakfast and was ready before every one else,  with a smile on her face the whole time.  We were looking at a good day if SHE could be like that.  Then I made the mistake of allowing Georgia to have her blankie in the car on the way to Disney.  How dare I!

Quick explanation: The girls all have blankies they sleep with only at night.  I always pack their PJs and blankies when we go to Disney so when they fall asleep on the way home it's an easy transition to bed.  Georgia was up at 4:30 that morning.  Yes, 4:30 AM.  I REALLY wanted her to take a nap on the way to Disneyland, so she didn't break down later on in the day.  That's where the problem came in...

Lana was a bit jealous that GG had her blankie and she didn't, and she decided to let us know, for the first 25 minutes of the car ride.   She cried and whined about not having her blankie.  Not that I usually EVER let them have it during the day, but I guess because her sister had hers, she felt it would only be fair.    In retrospect, and knowing how that incident would set the tone for the rest of the day, I should have given her that damn blankie. But no, I was sticking to my rule dammit!  She finally gave up the fight after half an hour and SHE fell asleep for the rest of the trip.  Georgia-not one wink.  This was going to be a fun day.

We got to the parking garage, which is about a half mile from the actual Magic Kingdom entrance.  Now keep in mind we were at Disneyland... on a Saturday...during the summer.  Crowded?  No, no, it was only sardines in a can feeling for part of the day.  When we saw how long the tram lines were we decided to walk.  We were going to be walking all day so what difference would another half a mile make?  Apparently, it would make a big difference to Lana, who didn't want to walk even if it meant Disneyland was at the end of that walk.  Oh wait.  IT WAS!!  That child did not care.  All she cared about was the fact that there walking and she had to walk and the walking was to much and it was hurty for her legs with all the walking.  I'm not sure how we ever made it to the entrance.  All I remember is arguing with that child for half a mile about how it wasn't that far, and she would be fine when we got in there, and no I wasn't going to carry her.  More whining ensued.

When we finally made it to the park I thought we were going to be okay.  I figured we had sidestepped a Lana bomb.  Unfortunately, that was not the case.  She was just ticking waiting for the right time to go off.

She was good for a while.  We got into Disney-all for free I might add. I have friends in high places.  (Melinda you are the bestest, most awesomest, friend ever!  I love all my friends, but the rest of you don't get me in to Disney for free, so you know...)  There were also the special passes to get on all the rides in the fast pass line.  I'd love to tell you how we did that, buuuuttt...well then I'd have to kill you and I like having my readers alive.  Let's just say it's a good thing my nephew and niece were with us.  We wouldn't have been able to ride half of what we did if not for those passes.  And Lana is NOT good with standing in lines for more than oh, five minutes or so.  This helped everyone out.

We ended up in Toon Town a couple hours into our day.  For those of you who have never been, it's an area for the little kids.  You can see Mickey and Minnie over there and go into Goofy's house.  We planned on going to visit Minnie, but the line was way to long and we weren't about to get to the front of that one.  Lana protested a bit, but when we pointed out how long the line was she seemed to understand that it was better not to wait in it.  She didn't really cry, but I could tell she wasn't exactly ok with missing Minnie.  Still the majority of us not wanting to wait in line won.  

Then came the carousel incident.  Oh boy.

After lunch we headed to the carousel.  A ride that all of the ages could enjoy.  We got in our "special" line and were allowed on first.  While we were waiting to go in, Lana eyed a pink and purple horse with bells on it.  She told me how that was the horse she wanted.  I had Georgia when we walked on and Andy had Lana.  I got GG and Sonya all settled and then heard a sobbing from behind me.  I turned to see Lana looking demonically possessed and completely losing her shit atop a horse that was NOT the one she pointed out.  Andy stood next to her shaking his head.  I walked back to them.  

"What happened?" I asked.

"Gracie took MY horse!!"  Lana told me in between sobs.  

I turned to the horse in front of her to see Gracie was indeed on the horse Lana wanted.  I wasn't sure what had happened, but I just needed to calm her down.  I told Andy to go with the other two girls, then went into operation "chill Lana out".  Something I've done more than once or twice. Unfortunately, I was to late.  She had already been taken over by the wild eyed, crazy, hysterical, demon five year old she sometimes turns into when she's at the end of her rope.  There were no deep breaths or counting to ten that were going to fix this in the next five minutes.  

I decided to take her off the ride, but the bell rang indicating that it was starting and off we went.  Lana was screaming, crying and trying to jump, yes jump off the horse she was on as it was going up and down, round and round, and yelling "I want THAT horse!!"  I stood there doing my best to make sure she didn't jump off  to her death, or at least a broken bone, and trying to ignore every stare that was coming in our direction.  With every second I became increasingly more frustrated and angry with her behavior.  It was the longest ride ever.  

The moment the ride stopped, I grabbed her off the horse, kicking and screaming, walked over to where our stroller was parked and grabbed my wallet and phone.  When the others came over, I told them to go ride whatever, I was taking Lana for a timeout and I'd find them in a bit.  Then I carried a hysterical Lana in the direction of Cinderella's castle not sure where I was going.  I didn't want to go all the way back to the car, but I needed to find a place to have her let this out then calm her down.  

On the side of the castle is a little walkway to Frontier land and there was a little corner with a door that was the back of one of the shops.  Perfect.  It was away from most people and in a corner.  I sat her down and there she screamed and yelled for at least another fifteen minutes.  Finally, she calmed down to just crying, and not letting me comfort her, to reluctantly letting me comfort her and crying.  At one point, one of the girls working at the shop opened the door and peeked behind it at us.  She saw me first and asked,

"Are you ok?"  Then she saw Lana and said, "oh."

I said,  "We just needed a little time out. We're fine."  

She nodded her head like this wasn't the first time she'd seen someone back there and went back inside.  I did find out later that particular spot is also a timeout spot for my friend BethAnnDoddKoehn's kids as well.  It's a good one if you're ever there and need one!

When I finally had calmed her down enough to talk to me, I tried to find out exactly what it was that made her flip.  I figured it wasn't just because of the horse, because of how crazy she behaved. I asked-  Was it the horse?  No-she said, not having blankie in the car?  nuh-uh. Because you don't want to walk?  Nooooo! 

"Is it nothing?  Are you sad just because?" I asked, because that has happened before where she cries and she doesn't know why.

"No!  It IS something!" she said.

"Then what?" I said.

"I didn't get to see Miiiiinnnniiiieeee!!!  She's my FAVORITE character and I didn't get to see her!!"

The sobbing started again, and my heart melted in a puddle for her.  Aw man, that kid LOVES her some Minnie and in that instant I felt terrible.  I know, I know, talk about first world problems, right?   I reminded her again that the line for Minnie was long and she wouldn't have wanted to wait in the hot sun, because believe me she wouldn't have.  Before the rest of you start to feel badly for her, I will inform you that this is about her sixth trip to Disneyland in her five years and she's seen Minnie every single time.   So don't be to sympathetic.  Not to mention we will be back for our yearly trip in November, so she will have a chance to see her again soon.  Besides, I think Minnie might have been the most disappointing part for her, but I believe it was a build up of all those things that threw her into tantrum land.  Not quite as fun as  Fantasyland I can assure you.

After about a half hour, she was feeling better and ready to have some fun.  She accepted that we weren't seeing Minnie that day and that she couldn't always get the horse she wanted on the carousel.  I later found out that she and Gracie had gone for the horse at the same time, each one on either side and Grace got to the top a split second before Lana.  I don't think Grace or my sister realized Lana had even been eyeing that particular horse.  She took a few minutes once we found everyone, to get completely out of sad mode, but one ride on the Teacups, with me watching on the sidelines, completely cured her.  (I don't do the teacups.  Nobody wants to see my lunch again.) The rest of the day went on without incident from her.  In fact she was very pleasant.   Whatever she needed to get out of her system she did next to Cinderella's castle.  

Later on that evening we were in line to ride Peter Pan, which is next to the carousel.  She looked at me and asked if we could ride it again.  

"You want to redeem yourself from earlier and get the horse you want this time?"  I asked.

She nodded.  So we all went on.  My sister made it a point to tell Grace that Lana was getting that pink and purple horse this time. It stopped right in front of us again as it had before.  When they let us on, Lana ran to it and started to climb up.  On the other side,  GG was trying to get up on the same DAMN HORSE!  

"No, Georgia," I said picking her up.  "It's Lana's turn for that horse this time."

Then, and I am so not kidding when I tell you this, Georgia started to cry.  SERIOUSLY?!!  Fortunately, Georgia is a much different, much more easy going kid.  

"Look G! Here's an orange one, your favorite color!" I told her.

"But I wanted the one with jewels!" she cried.  

"This one has jewels!" I said pointing to a fake inlaid sapphire in the saddle.  

"Oh," she said, and the crying stopped immediately as I helped her on the horse.  I was NOT about to go through that scene again.  

If you ever go to Disneyland don't expect your kids to be extremely well behaved or  super grateful just because they are at Disneyland.  I think as parents we think they should behave like that.  "They're at Disneyland!  They should just be happy about that!!" However, if they're having a bad day, they don't care where the hell they have their temper tantrums.  After all they don't get how much time, energy and money you've put into a day like that.  They're just kids and all they know is they didn't get the purple and pink horse or their picture with Minnie Mouse.  All you can do is explain they don't always get what they want, even at The Happiest Place on Earth.

The Eye of the Storm

I'm not sure what's going on with Lana in the past couple days, but she's been a bit of a pain in the ass unruly.  I can't even blame the full moon this time, unless that recent super moon has had a lasting effect on her.  Perhaps it's her upcoming preschool graduation that is stressing her out, as she tries to figure what she's going to do with the rest of her life.  Whatever it is, she's been averaging about two timeouts a day for the past week.  Something she hasn't done in months. 


Yesterday she started yelling at me and became angry as we were leaving our Mommy and Me class.  I gave her the three count, she didn't stop, so we immediately went to the car where I told her she was going straight to time out when we got home.  She proceeded to scream the entire way there. Thankfully we only live about five blocks from the school.  As soon as I unbuckled her (which she wasn't happy about) I threw her over my shoulder, walked straight to the "ducky" bathroom (the time out place), put her down and closed the door.  She screamed, yelled, cried and kicked her feet.  I heard her flipping out and throwing things around.  I continued to ignore her through the yells of, 


"MOOOOOMMMYYY!!!  COOOOMMMEEE HHHEERRREEE!!!"


About three minutes into her timeout, the thrashing about and yelling abruptly stopped.  I thought maybe she had realized how she was acting and calmed herself down.  Perhaps she was finally understood the situation and was ready to behave a bit more rationally.  Perhaps I forgot  that she's five and that she's Lana, because the quiet was short lived.  She started her screaming and crying again at full volume, right before her time out ended.  After the timer beeped I walked into the hallway toward the bathroom and found this outside the door:  

Then I walked into the bathroom to find this on the mirror:

Don't worry, it's dry erase marker so it will come off.  


















I guess she was mad.  However, she managed to ease off her anger long enough to write her name with a flower and heart beside it.  I'm assuming this was the brief pause I heard in the tantrum.  I suppose it's good to know she can turn it off and focus when she wants to, so there's still hope for a less volatile Lana in the future.  If only I knew how far off that future was...


   

SHOES!

I don't know if I've ever mentioned on here before, but Lana is very into dressing girlie.  If I ever want her to wear any type of pants I have to bribe her. Usually in the form of chocolate or a trip to Disneyland.  She loves any kind of skirt or dress and bonus points if it's pink or sparkly.  So it was no surprise when she insisted she needed ANOTHER pair of sparkly shoes when we were in Payless yesterday.  Then she proceeded to have a major tantrum when I denied her those shoes, which by the way, looked almost exactly like the ONES SHE ALREADY HAD ON.


Tuesday mornings are "Lana and Mommy Day".  The other two are in school, so some Tuesdays I try to get  errands done in the morning before I pick up Georgia from school at noon.  It's usually easier to do running around with only one of them, except when they decide to flip out for some reason.  It had been a while for Lana since she had such a public display of badness, so it kind of caught me off guard.  We went to Payless because I had to get her and Georgia ballet slippers for the dance class they have been taking.  I was looking at ballet slippers when Lana wandered down the aisle and came across some shoes she apparently had to have.  They were princess pink and sparkly. She walked over to me with shoes in hand. 


"Mom, can I get dees, pleeeeaasee?" She asked me hopefully. "Day fit me!"


She had already taken the liberty of trying them on, which looking back now, was smart on her part.  I looked at the shoes in the box and I looked at the pink sparkly princess shoes she already had on her feet.  Then I said,


"Lana, they are just like the ones you have on.  You're not getting them."


"NO THEY'RE NOT!"  She insisted.  "See deese ones have jewels on dem," she said pointing to the toe of the shoe.  


She was right, they did indeed have jewels where her own did not, but I was not about to buy ANOTHER pair of pink sparkly shoes because of a couple pieces of jewel shaped plastic.  Not to mention the fact that she has a pair of silver sparkly shoes, which I bought for her at the beginning of the school year, and a pair of pink sparkly TOMS my friend Sooz gave her for Christmas.  (Sooz works for TOMS so all the girls got pink sparkly TOMS shoes.  They are so cute.  Thanks Sooz!).  So that makes THREE pairs of sparkly shoes,  two of them already being pink.  I was drawing the line.


"Lana," I said calmly, "you are not getting those shoes today."


She could tell this was one of those times I wasn't going to change my mind, so she started the whining, whimpering, and eventually, sobbing.  


"PLLLLEEEAAASSEE!!!" She cried.  "I WANT THEM!"


Oh well, if you WANT them then....


"No, Lana.  Not today," I said again.  I tried to redirect her to some Hello Kitty socks that I was looking at for her.  She needed new socks, so I thought perhaps at least if she was getting something else she would be happy, but no.  They were not the shoes she wanted, so the tantrum continued.  


 The good thing was there was only one other person in the store and the clerk, so at least she wasn't making a spectacle in front of a ton of people.  Still, it's embarrassing in front of anyone.  She lied on the floor and sobbed about how she NEEDED the shoes.  How much she LOVED the shoes. How much she HAD TO HAVE THE SHOES!  I tried ignoring her at first, but I should know better because that never works with her.  So I finally got down on the floor next to her and spoke calmly.  


"Lana, I am not buying the shoes for you today," I started.  "I don't have enough money to get you the ballet slippers and the shoes."  I figured if I put it on me and take it off the fact that she doesn't NEED another pair of sparkly shoes, she would be more willing to accept it.  "Now, if you don't stop crying, I'm not going to buy you the ballet slippers or Hello Kitty socks either.   I need you to take a couple deep breaths and count to ten."


This is something I've been doing with her for a couple months now.  When she gets out of control with one of her tantrums, I work with her on focusing on her breathing and counting to ten to calm herself down.  I would say 80% of the time this works.  Luckily, this was one of those times.  She stood up, wiped her eyes and took two deep breaths.  Then she counted to ten.  Once she calmed down she said,


"Can I pick out some socks?"


"Of course," I answered.  "And good calming down Lana."


Then she looked at me and said, "When you get some more money, can we come back and get the shoes?"


That kid does not let things go.  


"We'll see," I said, trying to avoid another break down.


Once we were safely in the car, and out of earshot for anyone to hear another tantrum, I talked to her about her behavior in the store.  I told her I didn't like the tantrum she had, especially in front of other people, but I was proud of her for calming down.  She apologized and promised not to do it again, (yeah right!)  Then I explained  how she already had three pairs of sparkly shoes, and perhaps when she outgrew those three pairs, THEN we could come back and get her the ones in the store.  She understood, and because she was in a less emotional and more logical place at that point, agreed with me.  



I'd like to think she's going to forget all about this, but again, that child will not let something like this fall through the cracks.  So, who wants to bet that in six months, when all of those shoes she has now don't fit her feet anymore, I'm going to be begged to go back to Payless for those beloved, bejeweled, pink, sparkly princess shoes.  I mean, after all, they ARE different!

Ironmom

Hello everyone!  So when last I left you, I was about to embark on the journey that is five children.  ALL girls no less.  And look here I am on the other side!  I survived!  In fact, in some ways it was easier than I thought it would be and in other ways...well you people with 4 or more kids are a wee bit on the crazy side, is all I'm saying.  


My sister and her family came in the Thursday before Thanksgiving.  She and her husband left on Friday morning to head to Arizona for the weekend, as I mentioned, to support their friend competing in the Ironman there.  (Also a crazy person.)  Friday went pretty smoothly.  The girls all played well together and had fun.  I was breezing through this five kid thing on my own.  In fact so much so I thought, huh, maybe I could have another one.  I took care of them all day-FIVE OF THEM, cleaned the house, made dinner and STILL had energy for sex that night.  Oh sorry, that last part might have been too much information.  Then Saturday happened.  The good news was Andy was home to help.  The bad news, everyone of my girls had a MAJOR breakdown/temper tantrum between Saturday-Sunday.  


It started with Lana.  Who's surprised?  Then you haven't been reading this blog very long.  Thursday night she came down with a fever and threw up in the middle of the night.  Just what I needed as I was about to take care of two extra kids.  She continued the fever on Friday and stayed home from school, but seemed better by the end of the day.  I was so paranoid that this was going to get to everyone, but it didn't really.  My stomach was a little funky for a couple days, but nothing I couldn't handle.  I am constantly willing myself not to get sick, when I start to feel it.  I do NOT have time for that crap.  


Then on Saturday she woke up super cranky.  Maybe it was leftover sickness, but still, a cranky Lana is fun for no one.  Trust me.   In the morning, we went to a little get together for kids at the adult school I take her and Georgia to.  They had a drum band playing and an art project for the kids to do.  It was there that Lana started to lose it.  She decided she was hot, even though it was in the 60's.  She kept complaining about being hot, so I finally just let her take off her long sleeve shirt and walk around in her tank top undershirt.  I know she had to be cold, but that kid is so damn stubborn and refused to admit it.  So there she was in a tank top in the 60 degree weather. Needless to say, we were getting "you're a bad parent" looks from the other moms.  Whatever, you deal with her "I'MMM HOOOOTTT!!!" whine then.  


When we got in the car to go home she started screaming and crying about her seat belt and she never stopped.  As soon as we walked in the door I marched her to time out, where she proceeded to throw whatever object she could find at the bathroom door.  Warning to Lana's future boyfriends: Duck.  She's a thrower.  It was one of her bigger flip outs in a while and it took a good half hour to get her back to normal.  


Georgia wasn't in much of a mood for the competition of someone her age and younger than her.  Vivian needed the most attention and I had to give it to her.  Lana took a serious liking to Vivian and was glued to her side most of the weekend.  This sorta sent Georgia into a tailspin, since she is the baby in the house and Lana's usual partner in crime.  It came to head when we took all of them out to dinner at Outback.  I don't know why we are that crazy, we just are.  It seemed easier than cooking and cleaning at the time.  Georgia behaved terribly at dinner.  She whined and wouldn't eat.  Honestly, she is hardly like that.  Usually she gets in trouble for being to crazy and goofy when we go out.  She only got worse once we got home.   Hence the temper tantrum she threw followed by her own time-out, which she rarely gets.  


Then we had Sonya.  Who, I swear is way to old to be throwing the three year old type temper tantrum, yet every once in a while she does.  Bright and early Sunday morning is when she decided to throw down. I'm still not even sure what it was she was so upset about.  Something along the lines of wanting Lucy and Vivian in her bed, but not her sisters, but Lana and Georgia wanted to be with everyone, as did Lucy and Viv.  I tried to smooth it out and let them all go watch TV in the living room, but Sonya was NOT okay with that.  Andy came in and told Sonya to knock it off and serious crying and screaming ensued.  Well, he did tell her she was now confined to her room the whole day.  Why is it that the husbands go so far in the other direction?  It was 6:30 in the morning and now she was not only upset because she hadn't gotten what she wanted, but now she thought she couldn't leave her room the entire day, even to pee.  


Eventually, she got herself under control and was allowed to leave her room.  It just took a little while.  At 6:30 in the morning.  Yay.


And in all of this, my sister's girls were perfect.  There was really no whining and very little crying.  Vivian was a bit more upset on Sunday, but I think she was also not feeling well.  She decided I was her mom the entire weekend, because she kept calling for me, "Moooom!!"  It took me a bit to figure out she was talking to me.  I tried to tell her I was Auntie Kristi, but gave up by Saturday.  It wasn't until Megan came back that she realized I was "Kisti".  So the whole time I'm dealing with my demon children, I'm tying to figure out what the hell my sister is doing so right making her girls are so well behaved.  Where did I go wrong?  What kind of secret did she have?  Was it something she put in their cereal-and where can I get some?  


On Monday we picked Megan and Matt up from the airport and their girls were so excited to see them.  By the end of the evening, I realized that Megan didn't have a special secret.  Her girls did what most kids do.  They held their shit together while Mom and Dad were gone.  Lucy became more whiny than she had been all weekend and even ended up with her own temper tantrum and to time out.  Vivian was pretty much the same, but may have let loose a bit more with them around.  That temper tantrum that Lucy threw that night, made me feel so much better about my parenting skills.  I wasn't sucky at it.  I know my girls would have behaved just as her girls did if the situation was reversed.  They are always good at someone else's house.  Everytime they have a babysitter we always hear how great they went to bed.  (With the exception of Melinda, who they know well and feel they don't have to hold their shit together in front of)  When I put them to bed it's a good 45 minute excursion.  


So, turns out I made it through four days with five kids and I did a bang up job.  It was A LOT of work though. I didn't think I could spend anymore time in the kitchen than I do now, but guess what!  I did.  We had a fun Thanksgiving week when my sister and brother-in-law came back, despite our heater unit dying and our cat being on her last legs, but those are stories for other posts.  I do know for sure for sure now  that I am all good with my three girls.  All done now.  Vasectomy, here we come!  That was too much information again, wasn't it?

Fickle

Last Thursday the girls were all outside playing somewhat nicely.  Lana had been in a particularly ornery mood all day for some unknown reason.  She even had a meltdown earlier with her friend Angelina over.  She spent about ten minutes in timeout while Angelina went off and played with Georgia.  So I wasn't surprised when I heard Lana yelling about not wanting to play the game Sonya was suggesting.  I stood and listed to see what was going to happen to decide if I needed to intervene.  


"I don't want to play that!!  I'm going inside!" 


She stomped in the house and yelled to nobody or anybody,


"I'm not EVER going outside AGAIN!!"


"Okay," I said and went about my business.  I guess she figured I didn't hear her right so she yelled again,


"I'M NOT EVER GOING OUTSIDE AGAIN!!!"


"Sure, Lana," I was not about to play into her tantrum.  Then she went to the back door and yelled from the steps at the three girls playing outside,


"I"M NOT EVER COMING OUTSIDE AGAIN YOU GUYS!!!!"


Her yelling was met with silence from them.  They continued to play their game and ignore Lana.  I don't think they did it on purpose, I really think they just didn't hear her.  So she stood there on the step for a minute, waiting for someone to acknowledge that she was MAD.  She tried one final time,


"YOU GUYS!!!  I'M NOT EVER COMING OUTSIDE AAAGGAAIINNN!!"


Crickets.


Then, not even sixty seconds after her last declaration, I heard her say,


"I think I'm going to go swing!" Then off she ran OUTSIDE to her swing.  


I guess she's just practicing her woman's right to change her mind on a whim.

Proving A Theory

There is a theory I came up with recently that, so far, seems to be true.  It's one I arrived at after talking to my sister earlier this week when she tried to give away her oldest son to me.  Then I solidified my thinking when we had an oh so fun trip to Target a few days ago.  The theory is this:

The kids you see screaming and crying at the grocery store, Target, the mall, etc.  THEIR parents are the ones doing it right.  

Now, I'm sure most of you are continuing to read this to try and figure out how the hell I arrived at this ridiculous conclusion.  Well, let me tell you by giving you the full stories.  

Monday morning my sister, Beth, called to ask if I wanted a fourth child.  "Didn't I want a boy?" was her question.  Nope! All good!  Especially since if she was trying to give him away, it wasn't because he was on his way to winning a Nobel Peace Prize.  No, in fact, Zach had been quite the pain in the ass when she had taken all three of the kids shopping at the farmer's market.  I don't remember exactly what he did to get himself into trouble, but he was misbehaving the entire trip.  My sister had bribed all of the kids at the beginning of shopping (who doesn't), promising honey sticks at the end if they were good.  He was not.  So, guess what?  No honey stick.  He then proceeded to have a 5 1/2 year old sized meltdown right there in the market, while she was checking out.  He screamed and cried for a "HOOOONNNEEYY STIICCKK!!"  But no dice. She stuck to it.  Although, my sister really wanted to give in and stop every eye in the place from giving her the evil you're a terrible mother glare.  Instead she ignored him, paid for her food and left, with a very angry Zach in tow.  She did the right thing.  If she would have given in, he would have known that all he had to do in the future was throw a tantrum and get what he wanted.  Especially if they were out in public.  This is when my theory was born.  

Then, just for fun, I decided to prove it myself on a midweek trip to Target.  I took all three girls, because it's still summer and I have to. We went to get back to school (yay school!) stuff for everyone-new lunch boxes, backpacks, folders, etc.  The trip started okay.  Then.  Then Lana spotted it.  Hello Kitty make-up.  She wanted it, she NEEDED it!  I said no, scooped her up and walked away from Hello Kitty and her make-up, while Lana screamed and cried.  

We walked to the back to school area and I encouraged her to pick out a new lunchbox, but no.  She "wanted something cute!"  

"There are cute lunchboxes here," I told her, picking some out to show her.

"Noooo!  I wan somting else!" She insisted.

She and Sonya needed new shoes, so I told her we would look for some cute shoes.  That would be good, right?  

"Cute shoes and somting else," was her response.  

Fine, whatever.  I left it there for the time being, because I had more shopping to do and wasn't ready to tell her she wasn't getting "somting else".  We found her and Sonya some new shoes.  Then did the rest of our shopping.  Every few minutes she would tell me she still wanted "another cute thing."  I didn't really respond to her.  It wasn't until we headed to the front of the store and stood in line that she realized she wasn't getting "anyting else."   That's when it started.  Hurricane Lana blew into line 17 at Target.  She started crying and screaming and stomping around.  

"I want somting cuuuuuttee!!!" She yelled, thrashing her body about against the impulse buys.   

I felt the stares and heard the "terrible mother" thoughts from people, but I did not waiver.  She certainly wasn't getting anything with the way she acting now, never mind how she was behaving earlier in the trip.  Of course there was a small part of me that wanted to give in, but having been through this more than once, with each of them, I was used to it.  That is when I felt my theory was right.  I was being a good mother, by not giving in to the demands of a four year old.  Sure she was making a lot of noise and acting like a small maniac, but what were my choices?  Give her what she wanted and reward the yelling and screaming, or ignore her and wait until we got to the car where I would give her an earful, and try to restrain myself from leaving her in the parking lot.  Mad Mommy got in the van and yelled at her half the way home.  Didn't help much, since she screamed the whole way home herself.  

I managed to calm myself and her down when we got into the house. Then I reminded her of why she didn't get what she wanted.  I told her she was a good girl, who was having bad behavior and bad behavior doesn't get you "cute things".  Only really good behavior does that, and sometimes not even then.  I mean if I got my kids something every time they asked for it, we would have to rent out a couple of storage units.  

She understood.  She must have been tired from the tantrum, because she asked to go take a nap.  Sure, fine with me!  Then she slept for two hours.  Something she doesn't do in the middle of the day anymore.  I think the summer fun is getting to everyone.  

Anyway, the next time you are out and come across that screaming child, think twice about judging the parent harshly.  Chances are they are sticking to their guns and not giving in to the tiny tyrant demands.  Instead congratulate them for a job well done.  It will balance out the nasty stares they're getting from everyone else around them.  

Serenity Now!!

I posted this video on my Facebook page a couple weeks ago.  I figured I'd put it here, since some of you are not on my Facebook page, and this is what has become of my life.  A constant stream of refereeing fights, and calming down crying or tantrums because of the fights.  It's completely exhausting and totally annoying.  I know my sisters and I used to fight non-stop and the only thing I have to say about that now is, oh my God mom, I am so very sorry!  I had NO idea what a pain in the ass we were.  My mom used to get so mad at us for fighting and I could never understand why it  made her so mad.  Now I know.  Mom, how you kept from killing us, or letting us just kill each other I'll never know.  This is why I so desperately need a massage to go with my glass of wine at night.

Sister Support

I did promise you all a longer story today, so thanks for checking in and here you go!

Let me start this by giving you a bit of back story. Most of the time when one of the girls throws a temper tantrum we will walk away and let it happen. That is if we're not in public. Sometimes we try to do things to calm them down, like tell them to take deep breaths, or relax. When they do calm down, we will usually commend them by saying, "Good job calming down, Lana (or Georgia or Sonya)." This helps them to completely come back down to earth and actually listen to us.

On our first day in San Francisco, the same day we forgot to bless Lana, we were on our way back to the car after a full day of Fisherman's Wharf and the Aquarium of the Bay. It was also the first day of no naps for the two little girls. The first of THREE days of no naps. All the moms out there just gasped, because you know how bad it can get without one nap that is much needed, but three days in a row? I was pretty sure one of the girls was going to to start having her head spin around while speaking in tongues by Monday. But, we were on VACATION! So we were letting it go and doing our best to control the crankies. I have to say, they did do pretty well overall, and to be honest I think the first day may have been their crankiest. Well, Lana's anyway.

So, we were on our way to the car when Lana decided she needed to pee. I told everyone to go to the car and get the other two buckled in while I took Lana to the bathroom. When we returned to the car, everyone was waiting for us. Lana climbed in the car and started to get in her seat. I walked over to the parking payment station to take care of the parking for the day. When I got back to the car, I found Lana outside of it and Andy threatening to leave her there. I asked what the problem was and they informed me Lana wanted ME to buckle her. This is an ongoing theme with her, wanting me to do everything. It's less about me and more about her need to have power over a situation. We decided we were not giving in to her this time, and Andy forced her back into her seat and buckled her himself.

To say she was unhappy would be a serious understatement. She started a temper tantrum to end all temper tantrums. Since we were in the car, we decided to let it go, doing our best to ignore her. She screamed and cry and thrashed her body around the car seat. She threw her blankie on the ground and pulled her shoes and socks off her feet. Then she complained of her skirt falling down. Most likely due to all the thrashing about. Instead of getting a hold of herself to ask nicely for help she yelled,

"MOOOMMMYYY!! HELP. ME. NOW!!"

When I continued to ignore the orders, she whined and cried some more. Then she began to yell,

"MOOOOMMMM! TALK TO MEEEEEE!!"

That one killed me, but I knew that talking to her at that point would just negate everything we were trying to do. She knew how to ask for things and how to calm down. I had to believe she would figure it out.

Then she started to yell for her blankie. The one she had thrown on the floor. Again, I waited for the demands to end and to hear a nicer request from her. Sonya and my in-laws sat in the backseat doing their best to ignore the situation and played "I-spy" as we drove toward the Bay Bridge and our hotel. Georgia sat next to Lana in her car seat sucking her thumb, clutching her blankie and staring straight ahead.

The tantrum went on for what seemed like ten hours, but was at least a good ten minutes. She would slow down and seem to be getting to a stopping point, but then rev back up again. Finally, just when I thought I was going to break, I heard her take a deep breath and say very calmly,

"Mama?"

I really didn't think not to respond to her because she had said is so sweetly and calmly. So I immediately said, "Yes, Lana?"

"I peeze have my bankie?" she asked very kindly.

"Of course you can," I replied and handed it to her. She put it in her mouth and relaxed further. Then, from the seat next to her, Georgia pulled her thumb from her mouth turned to look at her sister and said,

"Goo calming dow Lana."

I looked over at Andy and the two of us giggled at Georgia's praise of her sister. We then agreed and complemented Lana as well.

It's so hard to figure out the right thing to do in some of those situations, especially when the tantrums get so out of control. Every parent has their own way of doing things. Who knows if we handled it the "right" way, but as least I know we're teaching our girls to support one another. That has to be at least one point in the doing things right category.

The Kindness of Strangers

Yesterday I had one of those crazy, when the hell did it get to be 4:30pm kinda days. We had swim lessons, followed by trying to get Lana and Georgia to nap for at least an hour before I had to take Sonya to gymnastics at 2:15. Then I decided we needed to go to Target after gymnastics because we were out of cereal and milk. So, it was really no surprise when one of the girls decided to throw a full blown temper tantrum in Target. Who was it this time? The one headed into the terrible two's. Miss Georgia girl.

When we walked into the store, I had Georgia sitting in the front of the shopping cart, Lana in the back and Sonya walking. After about ten minutes Lana wanted out, which meant Georgia wanted out too. I let them both get out and walk. Lana is good about staying with me and doing what I say, but Georgia is still new to having any walking freedom. Consequently, she tends to wander. Far. Since I'm fond of still having her around (most of the time) and not being kidnapped, I was constantly running after her to bring her back to the shopping cart. This isn't very conducive to getting shopping done in a timely manner. After about the third time she ran off, I gave her the count of three to which she, of course, didn't return. So, I scooped her up and plopped her back in the shopping cart, while she kicked and screamed, thus starting THE TANTRUM.

My, can THAT one scream. And I mean hair raising, ear piercing, horror movie, I was trying to murder her, kind of screams. Sonya and Lana tend to yell more than scream. Georgia may have an acting job in Friday The Thirteenth part 25 someday.

So there we were walking around Target. Sonya and Lana walked along side the shopping cart acting perfect, and Georgia screamed and thrashed her body about in the front seat. This was all because I had the nerve to put her in there and strap her down, when all she wanted was to run around. Horrible mommy that I am.

I've dealt with the other two having meltdowns in Target, so you would think I would be used to it, but you never really get used to having that kind of attention. Believe me. I am someone who likes getting attention, which is part of the reason why I wanted to be an actress. Getting attention because you have a screaming two year old, however, is not the fun kind of attention. The stares that you get from EVERYONE you pass makes you feel more and more judged. I just felt like I was in one of those Southwest, "Wanna get away?", commercials. To which I say-yes, please!

After what seemed like three hours, but was probably about five minutes, I found an unoccupied aisle to walk down and stop. There I tried to talk Georgia down from the crying and screaming. At first she was having none of me, but I continued to talk calmly to her and try my best to distract her with whatever I had in my backpack. Almonds, crayons, diaper rash cream, whatever. There was nothing I could do really, short of pick her up, grab her sisters and leave the store and my cart full of groceries behind. I never want to do that though. I mean I spent 40 minutes shopping already and damn it, we needed milk!

Slowly, though, she started to calm down and munch on some almonds. Thank goodness Sonya and Lana were continuing their good behavior. They sat between boxes of coffee machines and blenders while waiting patiently for me to bring Georgia back to sweetness and light. It seems that when one of them flips off the page like that, the other two instinctially know not to go there too, or Mommy will flip off the page herself.

I started to walk out of my private aisle as another woman was turning into it. She was probably in her late 40's or so, and she stopped and looked at me and said,

"You are such a GOOD mother."

I was completely taken aback and quickly stammered out an, "Oh-thank you."

She had apparently caught part of our act, including me calming GG down, and she continued to compliment me. She told me how patient I was and what good job I did. She mentioned that she had two kids herself, who were older now, but she remembered when they would do the very same thing, just about every time she went shopping with them. She said how frustrated it would make her feel. I mentioned how I mostly just try to get through the store, and keep in mind I would probably never see any of those people with the judging faces again. Then she said,

"People are going to judge you if you don't discipline them and when you do. You did the right thing and a great job, so don't you even worry about anyone else."

I thanked her again, more heartfelt this time, and we parted ways. After I walked away I was near tears. I'm not sure why. I was just overcome with emotion over what she had said to me. I mean it's great when someone tells you what a great job you're doing with your kids, but when a complete stranger tells you, it makes it all that more real. She had no investment in me or my kids, but it was probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever said or done for me. It made me feel so much better about what I do and how I do it.

So as a way for me to "pay this forward", I wanted to tell all of you, weather you are moms or not, that when you see a mom somewhere dealing with a cranky kid and you do think she's doing a good job, tell her. You have NO idea how much your simple words will make her whole day.