Moms on the Loose!

Last week at this time, I was being driven around the Northern California countryside tasting different wines, from small local wineries and becoming VERY tipsy.  Today, I have three kids home from school for spring break and I'm PMSing.   I've been searching for Doc Brown's flux capacitor all day to send me back in time, but it hasn't been a fruitful search.  Yes, last weekend I took a much needed break and flew up to San Fransisco to meet my sister, Beth, and one of my best friends, Trista, for a mom's weekend.  Or as Trista dubbed it -MOMS ON THE LOOSE!

A few months ago, Trista told me she really needed to get away.  She has an almost two year old, a husband who travels constantly and a full time job.  She asked me if I could arrange a mom's weekend away, because I'm good like that and  I, of course, was up for one myself.   It's been a year since I went to Vegas and my mom batteries were slowly being drained.  I asked a couple other mom friends and both my sisters, but it ended up just being the three of us, which was perfect.  (Even though it would have been made better had Megan, Melissa and BethAnnDoddKoehn been there too. Next time!) We briefly talked about going to Vegas, but decided we didn't want to come back more exhausted than when we started, which is what Vegas does to you.  It sucks the life force out of you more than any kid can.  Even a two month old baby.  Instead, we thought a relaxing vacation with wine tasting and massages was a better choice.

Don't hate us.  Okay you can if you want.  I would hate someone talking about doing this too, but it was awesome. It was better than awesome.  It  was super fucking awesome.  My sister and I met at the San Fran airport and it was only 11am when we got in, so we decided why not spend the day at Fisherman's Wharf?  We had no other plans for the day, other than driving to our hotel in Sonoma.  That was only an hour away, so we decided to hang out in the city for the afternoon.  It was a gorgeous  day with temperatures in the high 60s, blue skies, and an ocean breeze.  Better than perfect.  I've been to San Fransisco about a half a dozen times and it is one of my favorite places on the planet, so I was more than willing to stay and play. 

Beth and me in San Francisco!

We had lunch on the Wharf, complete with midday martinis, because why not?  Then we walked around for a couple hours buying souvenirs for our kids, sharing a hot fudge sundae at Ghirardelli and taking pictures of the beautiful views.  It just doesn't get any better.  Perhaps it helped that we only had ourselves to worry about too.

Trista wasn't coming in until the next day, so Beth and I drove the hour to our hotel in Sonoma.  I had never been there before, but it is a cute little place with fantastic restaurants to dine in and wine tasting rooms in the center of town.  We stayed at the Renaissance in town.  They are owned by Marriott, but are a bit fancier than your average Marriott. There was everything at the hotel, including a spa on the grounds and a fireplace in our room.  I am so thankful to my Dad who works for Marriott and can get us a discount, because the place was gorgeous, but expensive.  Without my special rate we would have been staying at the Motel 6.  

Trista, Beth, and me at the first winery-Kachina.
 Another gorgeous day!

Sunday morning, Trista met us for breakfast and then we were off for our spa treatments, followed by a fabulous steak dinner at another fantastic restaurant.  Then it was nothing but hanging out in our hotel room, chatting, laughing and enjoying more wine.  Turns out there's not much of a night life in Sonoma  past 9pm.  That was okay though because being moms, we aren't used to being out much past 9 these days anyway.  

Beth, Trista and Me at the 2nd winery-MoniClaire

Monday was our wine tasting tour.  We booked it through a company recommended by my youngest sister, Megan.  Jerry, from Wine Country Tours LLC, picked us up at 9:45 and he took us to four awesome wineries.  Not your typical big wineries, but smaller ones, that had some of the tastiest wines I've ever had.  If you are ever in that area for wine tasting call Jerry.  He knows these wineries well and we pretty much had private tastings at each one.  The people who owned the wineries were so kind and knowledgeable, and VERY generous with their tastings.  It was like wine tasting at your uncle's house. Of course, after the 2nd winery, wine tasting at Boone's Farm would have been fine with me, but no, we still had some really good ones.  I had quite a bit of tastes at that 2nd winery.  Aaaannd this might have happened at the last winery...

Didn't I tell you I was an awesome hula hooper?  Even drunk!  Oh and I might have passed out for a bit on our drive back to the hotel, but who knows for sure.

The only bad part of the weekend, was waking up at 4am on Tuesday morning to get to the airport for my sister's 7am flight.  We managed though.  Three moms...yeah we are used to getting up when we have to.  Even after drinking the entire day before.  Turns out I did come home a wee bit drained.  Still not as bad as after Vegas.

It was one of the best weekends I've ever had.  Before I left I had talked to my girls about the trip and made sure they knew they were to behave for Daddy and help him out.  He was going to have to do the morning school routine for two days.  Something he had never done before.  He did a better job than I could have expected.  The house wasn't even a complete disaster upon my return!  Sure there was a ton of laundry, but he is a guy so I can't expect everything.  Seriously though, I have to give all my thanks to my fantastic, awesome, willing to let me go away for 3 days husband.  I am so lucky to be married to someone who is not only okay with me going away, but encourages it.  PLUS he enjoys taking care of the girls alone for a couple of days.  Not to mention he never has a problem with me spending the money to pamper myself.  Yup, I am pretty damn lucky.  Thanks baby!

For those moms out there who are cursing me right now, because you would kill for a weekend like this, but don't think you can do it, you can and  you SHOULD!  We all deserve a break every once in a while and as moms, whether you stay at home or work, we never get one.  We are ALWAYS working.  Cooking, cleaning, laundry, kids.  It's a never ending cycle.  It not that the dads don't have their own crosses to bear, but they seem to be able to let go and relax easier than we do.  We always see something that needs to be done and we must do it NOW! Guys have no problem waiting until later.   That is why going away helps, at least for me. You can't clean out that closet if you're not home, so no guilt for ignoring it.  

The night before I left I had a conversation with Sonya about me going away.  She kept making comments that I wanted to get away from them.  Okay, while this was somewhat true I had to explain it to her so she understood the real reasons why, and didn't feel like it was because they drive me crazy.  Even if that is sometimes the case.  

"You know how you like going to school most of the time?" I asked her.

"Yeah," she agreed.

"But you know how you get excited for the weekend because you like having a break?"

She nodded yes.

"Well it's sorta the same thing," I told her.  "I love being your mommy and taking care of you girls and daddy and everything you need, but there are times I just need a break from it.  I need to not cook, clean and do everything for everyone else.  Sometimes I need to do something for myself, and that will help me to be happier and be a better mommy."

"Oh. Ok," she said.  She seemed to get it.  And yes, I did miss them all, dammit.  I always do.  And they missed me and were so excited to see me.  That's always a nice feeling too and something I don't ever get because we are always together.

We all need a break from whatever our day to day is, sometimes. It's harder for us moms to get that, but we need it more than anyone.  Well, I think so anyway.  So, any of you moms out there reading this, jealous of my fabulous weekend, go plan one yourselves.  It doesn't have to be as fancy or elaborate.  Just go to a hotel for a night by yourself.  Your husband can handle it for ONE night.  (Kristine-I'm looking at you!) If you don't have a husband as understanding as mine let him read this post to make him understand a little bit better.  If that doesn't work, just promise him sex for a week straight when you come back.  I promise you'll be packing your bags before you know it.  

Name That Tune

Over our vacation we spent a bunch of time in the car. Therefore we spent a bunch of time listening to music. The latest music in the car over the past few months has been popular songs, made popular again, by the hit show Glee. I totally admit, I love this show. Now Sonya loves this show too, and we both love the songs. My friend Melinda made us CDs of all the songs they've released on iTunes. Since she gave them to us in April, they've been in constant rotation in my min-van. The girls each have their favorite songs and every time we get in the car they want to hear "their" song. I will oblige each of them, and they will belt out "their" song at top volume while it is playing. For Sonya that song is Lady Gaga's, "Bad Romance".

Any of you out there who don't know the song, take a minute to go check it out on iTunes. You can just listen to the free twenty seconds they give you just to hear the chorus. I'll wait.

Done?

Good. Now for those of you who know the song, Glee has cleaned it up and there are no bad words in it. However, most five year olds don't know what the words are in songs to begin with, sooooo you never know WHAT they're going to sing. Such is the case with Sonya and this particular song.

Even though I've heard her sing it in the car many times before, I had never heard her sing what she sang when we were in San Francisco. What she sang LOUDLY, in front of my IN-LAWS, in San Francisco. Sometimes she would sing the words "bad romance". Then other times...well other times for some reason, she sang the words "fag romance".

Now let me assure everyone out there. Andy and I love the gays. We do not have one problem with gay or lesbians whatsoever and even voted in favor of them getting married. In fact we do have quite a few friends who are gay or lesbian. We do not in ANY way use that word in our house. Even if it was ever uttered in a joking manner, it would not be in front of any of the girls. So I have zero idea where she heard it. I believe those are just the sounds she hears in the song.

Either way, I had a very difficult time not laughing at my daughter sitting in her car seat next to her grandparents, loudly, and I do mean loudly, belting out a Lady Gaga tune, while changing the words to "fag romance". Meanwhile my mother-in-law sat next to her and kept yelling to us in the front,

"What are you teaching my granddaughter?! What are you letting her listen to?!"

This only made Andy and I laugh harder. Thank goodness we were all the way in the front and nobody really noticed that we were crying with laughter, every time Sonya sang the wrong word. The fact is, it is a completely innocent mistake on Sonya's part. She has no idea what she's singing and truly believes that what she is putting her heart and soul into are the correct words. We've all been there. "Wrapped up like a douche" anyone? Megan once thought Paula Abdul's "You got me knocked out" was, "you got me knocked up". Waaaaayyy different song.

Yes, I do plan on correcting her and making sure she knows the right word, I just didn't want to embarrass her and do it in front of everyone. And okay fine, there is a little part of me that wants to hear it just one more time, because it is so damn funny.

Sister Support

I did promise you all a longer story today, so thanks for checking in and here you go!

Let me start this by giving you a bit of back story. Most of the time when one of the girls throws a temper tantrum we will walk away and let it happen. That is if we're not in public. Sometimes we try to do things to calm them down, like tell them to take deep breaths, or relax. When they do calm down, we will usually commend them by saying, "Good job calming down, Lana (or Georgia or Sonya)." This helps them to completely come back down to earth and actually listen to us.

On our first day in San Francisco, the same day we forgot to bless Lana, we were on our way back to the car after a full day of Fisherman's Wharf and the Aquarium of the Bay. It was also the first day of no naps for the two little girls. The first of THREE days of no naps. All the moms out there just gasped, because you know how bad it can get without one nap that is much needed, but three days in a row? I was pretty sure one of the girls was going to to start having her head spin around while speaking in tongues by Monday. But, we were on VACATION! So we were letting it go and doing our best to control the crankies. I have to say, they did do pretty well overall, and to be honest I think the first day may have been their crankiest. Well, Lana's anyway.

So, we were on our way to the car when Lana decided she needed to pee. I told everyone to go to the car and get the other two buckled in while I took Lana to the bathroom. When we returned to the car, everyone was waiting for us. Lana climbed in the car and started to get in her seat. I walked over to the parking payment station to take care of the parking for the day. When I got back to the car, I found Lana outside of it and Andy threatening to leave her there. I asked what the problem was and they informed me Lana wanted ME to buckle her. This is an ongoing theme with her, wanting me to do everything. It's less about me and more about her need to have power over a situation. We decided we were not giving in to her this time, and Andy forced her back into her seat and buckled her himself.

To say she was unhappy would be a serious understatement. She started a temper tantrum to end all temper tantrums. Since we were in the car, we decided to let it go, doing our best to ignore her. She screamed and cry and thrashed her body around the car seat. She threw her blankie on the ground and pulled her shoes and socks off her feet. Then she complained of her skirt falling down. Most likely due to all the thrashing about. Instead of getting a hold of herself to ask nicely for help she yelled,

"MOOOMMMYYY!! HELP. ME. NOW!!"

When I continued to ignore the orders, she whined and cried some more. Then she began to yell,

"MOOOOMMMM! TALK TO MEEEEEE!!"

That one killed me, but I knew that talking to her at that point would just negate everything we were trying to do. She knew how to ask for things and how to calm down. I had to believe she would figure it out.

Then she started to yell for her blankie. The one she had thrown on the floor. Again, I waited for the demands to end and to hear a nicer request from her. Sonya and my in-laws sat in the backseat doing their best to ignore the situation and played "I-spy" as we drove toward the Bay Bridge and our hotel. Georgia sat next to Lana in her car seat sucking her thumb, clutching her blankie and staring straight ahead.

The tantrum went on for what seemed like ten hours, but was at least a good ten minutes. She would slow down and seem to be getting to a stopping point, but then rev back up again. Finally, just when I thought I was going to break, I heard her take a deep breath and say very calmly,

"Mama?"

I really didn't think not to respond to her because she had said is so sweetly and calmly. So I immediately said, "Yes, Lana?"

"I peeze have my bankie?" she asked very kindly.

"Of course you can," I replied and handed it to her. She put it in her mouth and relaxed further. Then, from the seat next to her, Georgia pulled her thumb from her mouth turned to look at her sister and said,

"Goo calming dow Lana."

I looked over at Andy and the two of us giggled at Georgia's praise of her sister. We then agreed and complemented Lana as well.

It's so hard to figure out the right thing to do in some of those situations, especially when the tantrums get so out of control. Every parent has their own way of doing things. Who knows if we handled it the "right" way, but as least I know we're teaching our girls to support one another. That has to be at least one point in the doing things right category.