Raising 21st Century Woman

A couple weeks ago, the little girls were sitting at the counter in the kitchen doing their homework.  I was getting dinner ready and helping  them when needed. They started chatting to each other about life will be like when they get older and have families and lives of their own.

Georgia- "Remember Lana, when we get big we will take turns working and taking care of our kids."

Lana- "Yeah, some days I will go to work and you will stay home with your kids and my kids and some days you will go to work and I will stay home!"

Georgia-"Yup!"

I was surprised to learn that they had worked out such a great solution on their own to what haunts every mother around the world.  The pull between wanting to stay home and raise your kids on your own, and wanting to continue to be in the working world to keep your own identity, and because you know, money.  They had thought of a job sharing situation all on their own.  Not that either one of them know what they want to do for a job, so who knows if it would even lend itself to this scenario, but hey!  Good for them for thinking of this.  Then Georgia thought of something better.

Georgia- "Wait a minute!  Why don't we just make our HUSBANDS stay home and WE will go to work!"

Lana- "Oh yeah!  Let's do that!"

Wow.  We sure have come a long way in just a couple of generations.  From woman doing no work outside the home, to working or staying home, to working and having Dad stay home and having it be a NORMAL situation.  I will admit, I have worried from time to time that my staying home with the girls might make them think that they shouldn't work or shouldn't want to work, but I truly believe that everyone needs to do what is right for them.   I do feel sometimes I am looked down on for not working at all, but I like being a stay at home mom.   I think moms who work are doing what is best for them as well and we should all be tolerant of what others decide to do for their own families.  And Dads!  My generation has definitely been the first to do this.  It's nice to know that my girls' generation will be the first to make it not such a novelty.  After listening to their conversation about this, I realized I have done a good job conveying to them that they make whatever decision they want as far as working and family is concerned.  We are no longer expected to fit into one mold or another and I think that is a great success for both moms AND dads.  

Proving She May Become A Doctor, Midwife, or Doula

A few months back the little girls' gymnastics teacher, Teacher Danielle, had to stop teaching gymnastics.  She had found out she was pregnant with her second babies.  Yes, babies.  She was having twins, which came as a complete shock to everyone, especially her, because unlike most twins born these days, hers were not due to fertility drugs.  No, she got twins the old fashion way!  Purely by chance. The first thing the Doctor told her to do was stop teaching gymnastics.  My girls were disappointed when they were assigned new teachers, because they have been taking gymnastics from Danielle since they were babies.  When I told them the reason for it, they were excited at the prospect of not one but two babies.  Of course they wanted to see them right now, so we had to have that conversation.  They kinda got it after a while, when Danielle's belly started to take on a life of it's own.  


Every week we would see her at gymnastics, sitting behind the desk, bigger than the week before.  The girls would question when they were going to get to see the babies. Could we see them now?  Were they going to be out soon?  When would they be out so they could see them?  I kept telling them, not for a while. 


I felt bad for poor Danielle.  She looked so uncomfortable.  She was past that point every woman gets to those last couple weeks of their pregnancy.  The point where you feel like if you sit down, you might not be able to get up again.  Where you feel like you are waddling around, rather than walking.  She was about five times that, and she wasn't due for another two months.  I couldn't imagine carrying that much baby around in my belly at one time.  


The babies weren't due until the end of September, but as with most twins, they came a little early.  Last Monday when I took Sony to gymnastics Teacher Danielle wasn't there, but the other instructors informed me that she was still pregnant, just had to stop working altogether.  By the time I went in on Friday morning, however, Teacher Alex(Sonya's teacher since she was 2) told me she had them that Tuesday.  She had delivered two little girls via C-Section  and they were healthy at about four pounds (!) each and doing well.  I was so happy for her, and couldn't wait until the girls were done with their lesson for the day so I could give them the good news.  


Lana was the first to finish and come over to me.  


"Guess what Lana!?" I said excitedly to her.


"What?" She asked, mimicking my excitement.


"Teacher Danielle had her babies!" 


Her face fell, she furrowed her brow, frowned, looked up at me and said, 


"AWWWWWW!!!!  I wanted to see them come OUT!"


Ummm...Yes...well.  Sorry about that Lana.  Maybe next time.


Congratulations to Teacher Danielle on her TWO new bundles of joy.  Get ready for everyone to make this statement to you:


"Oh my!  You have YOUR hands full!"  


It will get annoying by the fourth time you hear it.  Good luck!  

The BIrds and the Bees Go For A Burger

Last week I took the girls to In-N-Out for dinner.  While we were there waiting for our food, I started to talk about Auntie Melissa's new baby and how much better she was doing.  Sonya was excited Kennedy was going home and asked when we could go visit her.  I told her maybe the next weekend.  Then she asked me this,


"Mom, how do babies get in the mommy's tummy?"


Ummmm....ahhhh...oookkkaaayyy.


Then I remembered that Andy fielded a similar question from her about a year ago, so I started to  answer her in the way  I remembered he did.  


"Well, there is a seed that is planted in the mommy and..."


"No, no, I know that the baby is a seed that grows in the mommy's tummy, but how does the seed GET there?"


Ummmmm....ahhhh....


Well, I guess that the answer daddy provided last year isn't enough for her anymore.  She has more questions.  Great.  So now this is turning into a SEX talk?  At In-N-Out?   SERIOUSLY??  


"Well, the daddy puts the seed there..." I started again.


"I know the daddy puts it there, but HOW??" She asked


"Ummm, weellll..." I was at a complete loss.  Then she brightened like she got it somehow and said,


"Oh!  Like when you eat an apple and there is a seed that you eat and it goes to your tummy?"


That's all I need!  Her thinking she is going to have a baby in her tummy from eating a random apple seed.


"No, not exactly,"  I said. 


Then I sat there quickly trying to figure out how I was going to explain sex and sperm, without exactly explaining it to a six year old.  In the middle of a fast food restaurant.  


Then I said, "There is a special kind of seed the daddy has.  When a mommy and daddy love each other very much, the daddy puts a special kind of seed in the mommy's tummy and that's how the baby starts growing."  


"Oh, okay," she said.  


Thankfully our order number was called, and the thought of cheeseburgers and french fries took over any leftover questions she may have still had.  


WHEW!


I think I did okay though.  The funny thing is, my friend Melinda and I were talking a few days later and she told me about a couple of books she came across from her childhood she wanted to give me.  They are books about how babies are made for kids Sonya's age, with illustrations and all.  So at least now I have some tools to work with next time the question arises.  Although I'm thinking I may take them out and read them with her before  she asks again.  This way we can talk about it in the privacy of our home, instead of in front of dozens of strangers at a popular California food chain.   Not so sure those people appreciated the birds and the bees talk with their double double animal style burger.  

A Baby Story

I mentioned a few months ago, when my little sister had her second girl, that my sister Beth was pregnant with her third baby. We didn't know what she was having at that point, but on Thursday, we found out.

Before I tell you what she had, let me tell you the little story behind this birth. Beth has had two C-sections and when she decided to get pregnant a 3rd time, she thought she would just have to schedule another C-section. Fortunately, she had an OB who employed a Mid-Wife. Both believed there was no reason she could not try for a vaginal delivery. This was an exciting option for my sister, who felt like she had been "robbed" of the complete birth experience. I understand this completely.

I've mentioned before that Sonya was a C-section baby, and I was more than upset when I had to have her that way. When I had Lana I was determined to have a VBAC. I managed to have one with her and Georgia. I completely understood where Beth was coming from and supported her 110%. She did a ton of research on line, hired a Doula and read a bunch of birthing books. She would tell me all the information she learned and it was making ME want to get pregnant again, just to try it more naturally, without the drugs. I know that might sound crazy. The bigger problem for me is that I don't really want another baby, so I decided against it.

She did get resistance from people about her decision, but she stuck with it. When the baby was breech for weeks, she did everything she could to get it to turn. From seeing a chiropractor, to homeopathic solutions. She ended up going to the hospital and having what is called an external cephalic version. This is where the doctor turns the baby from the outside. I'm not sure quite how it works, but it did work and the baby was finally in a go position. Now all she had to do was wait for labor. Unfortunately, labor would never come.

Thursday morning I talked to my sister for about 45 minutes, until about 1pm her time. At that point she was completely fine and not complaining of anything unusual. Then around 3pm MY time I got a call from, Kevin her husband, asking me when I had spoken to her that day. I asked him what has going on, and he informed me that she had called him at work to tell him she was in horrible pain and needed him to come home right now. By the time he was pulling into his driveway, there was an ambulance right behind him.

MY SISTER HAD CALLED AN AMBULANCE.

Now, for those of you who don't know Beth, she is NOT the drama queen of the family. That honor is left to me and my youngest sister, Megan. Megan may be slightly more dramatic than I am, but still, we both play our parts. Beth, however, has always been the quiet laid back one, so for her to call 911 means something is seriously wrong.

After a few rounds of calls and updates from her husband, when they got to the hospital, it seemed as though everything looked okay. They were going to keep her in the hospital overnight for observation, and she and the baby were fine. Eventually, Kevin gave me a phone number to call her. Thinking everything was okay, as soon as she answered the phone I joked,

"What, so you want to take over the drama queen role in the family now?"

Silence.

"Beth?" I asked.

"They're giving me a C-section," she said very quietly. "I'm just broken."

I thought I was going to cry. I felt so bad for my younger sister. She had done everything in her power to get the birth she wanted, but no matter how much she planned or tried, God or the Universe or whatever, had much different plans. She had something called placental abruption. This is when the placenta separates from the uterine wall and the effects can be well, disastrous to both mother and baby. There was no other option than to have the C-section. Well, no other option that would keep my sister and the baby alive anyway.

There was nothing I could say to her to make her feel better. I knew the LAST thing she wanted to hear was "Well, the most important thing is a healthy baby." I mean, yes that is the ultimate goal. That is, of course, what she most wanted, but she had tried so hard to give birth the way her body was meant to, and she was losing that. All I could say to her was,

"That just sucks. I'm so sorry."

Lame, I know, but it was all I had. She soon got off the phone with me and went to have her baby. I waited about two hours for the call. My mom was calling me to see if I had heard. Megan was calling me too, but I was waiting just the same as they were. Finally around 6:30, Kevin called to give me the good news. Zach was no longer the lone boy in the family. My sister gave birth to Benjamin Alex on July 1st at 8:30pm.

When I talked to her a while later, she was happy. Her baby boy was here and healthy. Even though she was upset by the C-section, she knew there was nothing she could have done, unlike so many C-sections done today. Hers was a medical necessity. A true life or death situation.

I know the next few weeks will be hard on her physically and emotionally. I hope she can take comfort knowing that she did EVERYTHING she could to achieve a natural birth. So many woman end up with unnecessary C-sections today. So many don't even try for a VBAC after one and after two it's unheard of. A lot of doctors won't even talk about a vaginal birth after a C-section. Sure there is a risk for something to go wrong, but the risk is so small. Anyone having a baby is taking a risk anyway. You have no idea what it will do to your body and there are so many things can go wrong. I'm very proud of my sister for what she did and learned even if she didn't get to follow through. I really wish more woman would look into this option instead of just automatically scheduling a C-Section. For some reason woman think it's easier to get cut open and recover from surgery for two plus weeks than go through a days worth of bad-horrible pain, (depending on your drug option). Sure there is still some pain "down there" afterward, but it's nothing like getting cut open. I can say this with certainty, because I HAVE had it both ways. I would spend a day in labor WITHOUT drugs than ever get another C-Section. So if anyone reading this has gone through a C-section, consider your options the next time. Figure out if a C-section was truly what you needed. Consider finding a doctor who will support a more natural childbirth next time. You'll be happy you did. If nothing else, do it in memory of my sister's girly parts that never got to push a baby out. I still commend her for trying so hard, and admire her for going for something the majority didn't agree with. Sometimes the majority isn't right.

Hold on I have to get off my soap box now, it might take a minute.

Whew!

Anyway, yes Beth had a healthy baby in the end, but let's be honest, the more important thing here is not that she had a healthy baby or had a vaginal birth. The more important thing is that she had a BOY. (A boy she's keeping fully intact too, but that's soapbox for a different day. ) Now Zach doesn't have to play baby dolls and barbies at family reunions. I mean unless he wants to. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Congrats Beth, Kevin, Zach and Grace! Welcome to the (almost) all girl family little Benjamin!

Bye Bye Baby

Today is Georgia's second birthday. This means I no longer have any babies in my house. None. Zip. I suppose technically Georgia hasn't been a baby for quite a few months now, but since she IS the baby of the house, we kind of let her hold the title for a while. Now I have nothing but kids. On the one hand this makes me sad. On the other hand, the one where I don't have to get up and take care of a screaming infant three times a night, that hand is very happy. Plus after having my sister here a couple weeks ago with her newborn, Andy and I decided we were most definitely done with that phase of having kids. No offense to little Vivian, but I do NOT feel like going through swaddling, shushing, and dancing around the house again to get a baby to sleep, only to have her eyes pop open, five minutes after putting her down, and hearing her scream again. Nope, I do not miss those days at all. I mean they're incredibly cute when they're babies, but soooo very much work!

I will, however, miss all the firsts. Things like smiling, laughing, crawling, walking, discovering their hands and feet, all those things that make babies so damn cute. I will also miss holding them and rocking them at night. I realized this last night when I was up with Georgia at four in the morning.

I think I've mentioned a few times about my girls sleeping issues. While I don't have to get up to feed any of them, I do still get up in the middle of the night. A lot. Georgia seems to suffer from insomnia from time to time and Lana, we think, has nightmares. Therefore I'm up on and off in the middle of the night. Some weeks are worse than others. It sucks, but it's still better than a newborn waking up, because at least there ARE nights where they don't wake up at all. Luckily, Sonya sleeps like a champ and hardly ever wakes in the middle of the night.

Last night Georgia decided to remind me of what I was missing not having a newborn. She was up for about an hour, maybe more. I guess she just couldn't sleep. Maybe she was excited for her birthday today, who knows, but sleeping was not in her plan for the night. I put her in bed with us for a bit, then back to her crib. Then she wanted me to rock her. I was so tired at this point and all I wanted her to do was go back to sleep. As I sat there in the dark rocking her at four in the morning, it occurred to me that this may be one of the last times I get to do that. I don't rock Lana and certainly not Sonya anymore. Georgia is the only one who still gets use out of the rocking chair, and as she heads into her third year of life, I'm guessing she's not going to need it much longer either.

In that moment, I let go of my annoyance over being up in the middle of the night, and I relished in the moment of rocking my baby to sleep. My last baby. Well, kind of to sleep. She still didn't go to sleep for a good thirty minutes after that, but still. It's funny too, because I can remember her being so little just a month ago, or what seemed like a month ago. As she laid on me last night in the rocking chair, her body felt so heavy and big. I just don't know when that happened.

So while I'm happy to moving past babyland and into complete kiddom, I will always have great memories of my babies and all they did that amazed me... and annoyed me. I know there is so much more to look forward to in the upcoming years,(like getting rid of ALL diapers!) but there is a little part of me that will always want a baby. I'm not sure that will ever leave me. Even if I do enjoy sleeping through the night.

Happy Second Birthday Georgia. My big girl, but forever my baby!