The Birds and the Bees and Turning Three TImes Three (which means nine for those mathematically challenged)

Yesterday was Sonya's ninth birthday.  NINE.  Why?  How?  When did we get here?  But yes, that is what she is, nine.  She is no longer a chubby faced little girl, but a very lean and, amazing, long legged big girl.  One who is starting to get quite the attitude with me from time to time.  I hate to say it, but I think the hormones are brewing.  She has always been sassy with me sometimes, but this is different.  This is teenish.  This is scary.

Since she was headed in this direction, Andy and I decided a few months ago that we needed to have "the talk" with her.  You know the one, or maybe you don't since some from our parents' generation didn't have "the talk" with our generation.  Mine did though.  Oh yes, I distinctly remember being nine years old and my parents sitting my sister, Beth, and I down and  telling us all about getting our period and sex.  Ah memories!  How uncomfortable are thee?  Still I believe them sitting us down and talking to us about it, put us on the right track as far as being responsible about sex, who it was with and what protection we used.  None of us got pregnant before we wanted to, and we are all pretty damn fertile so I would say that is a win for my parents.  

Andy and I thought we should talk to Sonya about what would be happening with her own body soon, and why not just go ahead and tell her how babies are made while we're at it.  You know two birds, two bees and one stone.  It was something I had discussed with her before when she was younger, but never gave her the full explanation   Finally, after talking about wanting to talk to her about it for so long, about two weeks ago we finally found the opportunity.

While the little girls were cleaning the disaster area that was their room one Sunday night, Andy and I sat our big girl down and explained a few things.  Or rather I did.  Well, he started to, but he quickly bowed out when he decided to search on his iPad for an app on the reproductive system he thought would explain things better.  So I decided to start the conversation on- "your a girl, you're gonna get your period, it's going to suck until you want to have a baby then it will come in useful".  Okay perhaps I was more technical than that, but you get the idea.  She had a few questions about if it would hurt, but nothing out of the ordinary.  Then, as Andy still searched for this elusive app, I moved the lesson into sex.  I told her it was the way to make babies and yes, exactly how it was done.  We also made it very clear that we were MUCH older when we had babies and they are a very big responsibility, which she already totally gets.  She has always been very aware of how much work having  kids 15 months apart is.  We made it clear that if you don't want to have that responsibility of taking care of a baby then just don't have sex.  The end.  I figured we can have the birth control talk when she's a little older.  Like 28.  Fine-23.

The talk went well.  She had some questions that we addressed very honestly.  We ended up covering artificial insemination and in vitro, due to a teacher at her school who had a baby a couple of years ago with no husband or boyfriend around.  How two mommies had babies was also covered.  Yeah, we did it all.  She seemed to handle it well.  I think Andy and I had a harder time with it.  I feel like we might have talked more than we needed to.  Especially when Andy said something that will live in my memory forever.  As much as I'd like to tell you dear Internet, it's a story that he would kill me if I put in writing.  It has made me laugh over and over again when I think if it though.  Sorry to tease you like this.  The next time I see you in person we can have a glass of wine and I will let you in on the joke.  My husband is a very funny man, I can tell you that much.  Even when he doesn't mean to be.  

She hasn't come to us with any more questions since then.  I did give her two books that she could look at whenever she wanted.  They were books my friend Melinda had given me a while back.  They are from the '70s with cartoon drawings of the mom and the dad doing it and the baby growing inside the mom.  Very amusing and informative.  She read through them that first night and we told her she could look at them anytime she wanted to.  Although, we asked she keep them away from her sisters for now.  No need to start this with them. Even if some experts believe you should tell your kids everything before preschool.  I don't think they know Lana and the big mouth that she has.  That's one phone call I don't need from the principal.  And I know it's different for everyone.  Perhaps some people feel it best to discuss this with their little kids, but for us almost nine was better.  Maybe it will be earlier for the other two.  Who knows?  We just keep playing this parenting gig all by ear.  Is there any other way?

So yes, my first born baby turned nine yesterday and now she knows all about how she and her sisters were made.  I kind of feel like Andy and I got over a hurdle with that one.  Now all that's left is boys, birth control, and STD's.  Like I said though-23 should be good for that.  Fine- I will do it earlier.  She just won't be allowed to leave the house.  

The BIrds and the Bees Go For A Burger

Last week I took the girls to In-N-Out for dinner.  While we were there waiting for our food, I started to talk about Auntie Melissa's new baby and how much better she was doing.  Sonya was excited Kennedy was going home and asked when we could go visit her.  I told her maybe the next weekend.  Then she asked me this,


"Mom, how do babies get in the mommy's tummy?"


Ummmm....ahhhh...oookkkaaayyy.


Then I remembered that Andy fielded a similar question from her about a year ago, so I started to  answer her in the way  I remembered he did.  


"Well, there is a seed that is planted in the mommy and..."


"No, no, I know that the baby is a seed that grows in the mommy's tummy, but how does the seed GET there?"


Ummmmm....ahhhh....


Well, I guess that the answer daddy provided last year isn't enough for her anymore.  She has more questions.  Great.  So now this is turning into a SEX talk?  At In-N-Out?   SERIOUSLY??  


"Well, the daddy puts the seed there..." I started again.


"I know the daddy puts it there, but HOW??" She asked


"Ummm, weellll..." I was at a complete loss.  Then she brightened like she got it somehow and said,


"Oh!  Like when you eat an apple and there is a seed that you eat and it goes to your tummy?"


That's all I need!  Her thinking she is going to have a baby in her tummy from eating a random apple seed.


"No, not exactly,"  I said. 


Then I sat there quickly trying to figure out how I was going to explain sex and sperm, without exactly explaining it to a six year old.  In the middle of a fast food restaurant.  


Then I said, "There is a special kind of seed the daddy has.  When a mommy and daddy love each other very much, the daddy puts a special kind of seed in the mommy's tummy and that's how the baby starts growing."  


"Oh, okay," she said.  


Thankfully our order number was called, and the thought of cheeseburgers and french fries took over any leftover questions she may have still had.  


WHEW!


I think I did okay though.  The funny thing is, my friend Melinda and I were talking a few days later and she told me about a couple of books she came across from her childhood she wanted to give me.  They are books about how babies are made for kids Sonya's age, with illustrations and all.  So at least now I have some tools to work with next time the question arises.  Although I'm thinking I may take them out and read them with her before  she asks again.  This way we can talk about it in the privacy of our home, instead of in front of dozens of strangers at a popular California food chain.   Not so sure those people appreciated the birds and the bees talk with their double double animal style burger.