Can't Shop With Them...

Recently, I hired a daytime babysitter to come over about once a week for a couple hours, so I can go to places like Target or the grocery store by myself.  This is something everyone told me to do when they found out I was pregnant with Georgia, and about to be dealing with 3 kids under the age of 4.  I really wanted to find someone then too, but it's not so easy to just go out and find a babysitter.  I don't want to just trust someone unknown person to take care of the three people who mean the most to me in my life.  Plus I was nursing Georgia and for those of you who don't know, all three of my girls were bottle protesters.  They would starve to death then take that horrible bottle!  It wasn't so easy to just leave her with someone who couldn't provide the "boobie juice".  Still, I figured at some point I would find a way to hire someone to help.  I found Tara through Lana's gymnastics class.  She's a really sweet 23 year old girl who has a ton of experience with kids, took college classes on kids and is CPR certified.  She may be more qualified to take care of my girls than I am. Plus they love her.  She is the nanny for one of the little boys in Lana's class, but she only works for the family until 2pm.  So, I had her start coming over every week for about two to three hours in the afternoon.  This has been a huge help for me to regain some of my sanity, as well as let me catch up on doctor's appointments.  And look!  I get to shop in peace once a week!  How 'bout it!

This past Thursday Tara got here at 2:30 and at 2:31 I was in the car, windows down, blasting the new Green Day out of my iPod.   Yes, I turn 17 when I leave the house alone.  It's just so freeing!  I decided I needed to make my weekly trek to Target.  I don't know what I need to buy there every week.  This was a question my sister, Beth, recently asked me.  Apparently, I need things badly enough that I HAVE to go there EVERY week.  I will curl up in a ball in the corner and cry if I miss a week of going there.  I'm pretty sure there are subliminal messages in those damn commercials.  Either way, that is where I was going and I was going ALONE!  Oh happy day!!  The grocery store is my number one place I hate taking all three of the girls, but Target is a close second.  

I parked and walked in by myself, which is sometimes a weird feeling, grabbed my cart and started to shop, alone.  Did I  mention that I was alone?  Just wanted to make sure I made that point clear.  Then something strange happened.  It was like my kid senses were heightened because I didn't have mine with me.  I started to hear all the other screaming toddlers and four year olds all around.  Now, I don't know if there are always that many there and I just don't hear them over the screams of my own, but there they were.  What the hell!  I was having my alone shopping peaceful time, and now here I was listening to everyone else's kid.  I felt bad for the moms and thought seriously about passing out Tara's number, because every mom should have time to shop alone at least once a week.  There was one woman near me who was struggling to get her toddler to just sit in the damn cart.  Lady, have I been there!  

I moved on with my shopping trying hard to block out the screams around me, and it worked for the most part.  Then I passed the seasonal section which was filled with back to school supplies.  This always annoyed me to no end as a kid.  Why did the stores HAVE to remind us right after 4th of July, that school was just around the corner?  We had only been out for a mere few weeks at that point, and there was still so much summer left.  As I was having this nostalgic thought and the sight of book bags and pencils took me back, it hit me.  OH MY GOD!!!  We are going to have to shop in THAT section this year.  Sonya, my daughter, my first born who can not be that old IS that old.  She will be in kindergarten this year.  I know it's just kindergarten, but still it's kindergarten at a big school where there are older bigger kids around.  Plus kindergarten isn't like it was when I was a kid.  It's more like first grade light now.  

All of a sudden I missed my girls and wished they were shopping with me.  I wouldn't get to do it with them forever or even much longer, because eventually they will all be in school.  My going places alone won't be such a novelty anymore.  I know there will be new challenges and craziness that will come along with school, but this time with just me and them is at the beginning of the end.  I still have Lana and Georgia, but they're not far behind Sonya and it'll happen before I know it.  And just to prove that point I happened to walk by the tiny baby clothes.  The clothes my littlest girl is no longer little enough for.  There will be nobody else that little again for me to take care of.   I don't know why it got to me, but it did and I turned down the rug aisle to look for a new rug for the girls room, and instead found myself overcome with sadness and started to cry-in Target. Nice.  My new baby time is really over now and although I have new things to look forward to with my girls, I am going to miss this time so much.  

I got myself together and started to turn my cart back out into the main aisle to go check out.  Just then one of the moms of the screaming toddlers walked by looking very frazzled and I thought, yeah it is going to be sad, but at least I'm not her right now.  Today I'm still excited to be shopping ALONE!