Those Damn Four Letter Words!

Now that we are back to school, we are doing our best to get into the routine in the morning.  Usually the girls are good the first week and then they backslide in the subsequent weeks, but it has been a rush every morning since Monday.  I'm thinking we may need to start at 5AM soon.

Yesterday morning, the girls were getting ready to brush their teeth when Georgia brought me her toothbrush and said,

"I need a new toothbrush."

"Ok," I said, " I will get you new one the next time I'm at Target."  Apparently she meant she wanted a new tooth brush right THEN.

"Look at this one!" She yelled.  "It's all messed up." She help it for me to examine.

"Yeah, that's because you always chew on it," I explained.

"But it's all pushed down!" She protested.

"Georgia, I see that," I told her.  "Stop chewing on it and they won't get like that anymore."

"But I need a new one, Mommy!!"

"Listen," I said, summoning the very little patience I had at that point.  "You have to leave for school in 10 minutes.  Can I get you a new toothbrush and have you brush your teeth in that time?"

"No," she admitted.

"Then I will get you a new one today at Target and you will have it for tomorrow, OK?"

"Ooookkaayyy..." she finally agreed.

She huffed her way back to the bathroom, aggravated with me.   Lana was already in there brushing her teeth and Georgia wanted to let Lana know,

"I am so PISSED OFF right now!!!"

As a parent, when you hear your kid say a bad word a few things happen.  First you think-did I just hear her say that?  Then when you realize that is exactly what you heard you think-just where in the HELL did she hear that FUCKING word?  Then you realize you just answered your own question.  Lastly, you fight the urge to just start laughing, because really, it is pretty damn funny when you hear a six your old say a bad word, especially in such a perfect context.  However, I try to be a good parent and although I apparently let bad words fly out of my mouth for them to hear from time to time, I don't want them saying those words themselves.  I know, I know-do as I say blah blah.  But sometimes I like to swear and I forget that they might be listening to me.  I'm working on it, OK!  

From the living room I yelled, "Georgia!  What did you just say??!"

"Ummmm....." was all I heard from her.  She knew she was busted and wasn't sure how to back out of it.  I walked in to the bathroom and asked her again.  

"Nothing..." she tried.  

"Oh no!" I told her.  "You said a bad word.  Where did you hear that?"

"From you," she replied without missing a beat.  She couldn't have even thought about it for a minute?  Give the illusion she may have heard it from another source?  I know it's something I say, but never TO the girls.   I guess they overhear more of what I say than I thought. OK!  I KNOW!  STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!  Anyway....

It was at this point Andy heard us and wanted to know what she said. I marched her into our bathroom where he was shaving and made her repeat it.  It was not something she did immediately, because she knew she was in trouble and once Daddy knew, she was afraid it would be more.  She repeated it for Andy, in a more quiet less pissed off kind of way.  Andy feigned shock with a, 

"Georgia!  We don't say those words!"

"I know!" She told him and then ran back to the bathroom to finish getting ready. 

Fortunately for her we let it go this time with a warning.  She was worried enough from me catching her to most likely not do it again, so I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.  I did let tell her that if she said a bad word again there would be a punishment, and it would be severe.  Like sucking on a bar of soap.  Okay not really, but I did say that. Does anyone even do that anymore?  Seems kind of archaic.  I'm sure I will just take dessert away, which for her might as well mean I've taken away food for a week.  That will probably just piss her off even more.  

A Female Dog

Sonya- "Mommy, what does 'bitch' mean?"

Oh boy.  These are the questions I get when Andy is away for the weekend, as I'm putting them to bed.    It's not like I didn't know where she heard the word.  She MAY have heard it on a certain show that we watch about high school kids who like to sing in a club.  Maybe.  I can't be certain.  Okay I can, but hey they say that word on daytime TV!

Me- "Well first of all, don't say that word to a girl, unless you are prepared to get hit in the face."

Sonya- "Ooookkkaayyy..."

Me- "It has a couple of meanings, actually.  The real meaning is a 'female dog.'"

Sonya- "Oh that's right! Daddy told me that."

Okay my husband MAY have told her what a couple of bad words were and what they mean.  Maybe.  I can't be certain.  Okay I can about that too, but he's reasoning was, tell her what they are and take their power away, and make sure she knows they are not good words to say.  I think it's a good idea, for a kid like Sonya anyway.  It would NOT be a good idea to tell every kid her age these things, but Sonya different.  She understands when she should say things and when she shouldn't.  Lana is not one to tell these words to, because she would be running around the Kindergarten playground shouting them.  

Me- "Yes, well that is the real meaning of it, but somewhere over time the word turned into  something you call a girl or woman when they are not being nice, or you don't like them.  Although, it can also be used jokingly with girls too."  

Sonya- "What do you mean?"

Me- "Well  if I said to one of my friends 'hey bitch what's up?'  I'm not saying it in a mean way, I'm just being silly.  But mostly it's not a nice word to say to a girl and you should NEVER call someone that."

Sonya- "Unless I'm prepared to get hit in the face."

Me- "Exactly!"

See, she listens to me.  For now.  And yes, I'm preparing myself for the day she uses that word in conjunction with me.  

Bleep My Daughter Says

I remember when Sonya was about two I realized I had to start watching my potty mouth.  I did that by taking the REALLY bad words and turning them into what I thought were harmless words, like crap and damn. I found out, however, that those words coming out of a two year old don't really sound so good either.  So I had to learn to not say the harmless bad words as well.  This has been a bit harder for me and I tend to slip those in more often.  Hey- at least I'm not yelling "SHIT!" all the time.  Just times when I hit other cars.  


Anyway, I realized Georgia has started to pick up on some of not as bad, bad words.  Sometimes she even tries to correct me.  Last week I was in her bedroom cleaning up and I dropped something, stepped on something, or fell, who can remember?  I just know it called for a bad word of some sort, that I managed to turn into "Dammit" under my breath.  Upon hearing this, Georgia corrected me by saying,


"Mommy!  Don't say dammit, say bummers."


Now I'm not sure where she got the word "bummers" from, but it certainly is a better one to say.  So I told her she was right and I would try to use that one from now on.  I guess she doesn't feel the same way about one of my other favorite non-bad words.  Crap.


A couple nights ago, I was trying to get her to sleep.  She was the last one to go, of course, and we were on procrastination technique number two.  The -I have to pee-move.  I was in the kitchen and told her she could come to the bathroom.  She appeared in the doorway of the kitchen and looked and me.  Then a realization came to her and she said, 


"Oh CWAP!  We fogot to bush ow teeth!"


I had to take a deep breath to keep from laughing before I said to her, 


"First of all, we did indeed brush our teeth.  Second of all, please don't say crap.  That's not a nice word, okay?"


"Oh, okay," she said and ran to the bathroom.  


Damn it's hard for me to watch my mouth sometimes!  Oh I'm sorry.  I meant bummers.

Mommies Make Mistakes Too

After twenty years of driving you would think I would know how to pull up to a curb in front of a parked car without incident.  You would think that, but you wouldn't be correct. Tuesday afternoon I tried to pull up to the curb in front of a parked car and did indeed have an incident.


I say incident, because it wasn't really enough of a deal to be an accident, although it certainly was an accident.  I wasn't meaning to hit the four door sedan sitting there so innocently, parked across the street from the park.  It was Tuesday and I was dropping Sonya off at Girl Scouts after picking her up from school and violin practice.  My Tuesdays are always crazy.  Her Girl Scout meetings are at a little cabin next to the park. I usually pull up to the curb, she hops out and goes to the cabin as I watch her.  This time I had to park on the opposite side of the street, because there was no parking on the side near the park.  Therefore I was going to have to get out and walk her across the street.  


I finally found a suitable spot and started to pull up to it.  I saw the car sitting next to me.  It's not like I didn't.  I'm not even sure how it happened.  I mean sure I've been crazy busy for a month now and had a ton on my mind so I was distracted in that sense, but it's Christmas!  Who isn't?  It's not like I wasn't texting or talking on the phone.  I wasn't even yelling at the girls, but all of a sudden as I'm pulling in front of this car I hear,


EEEEEEESSSCRREEESSSSSSHHHH!   CRUMPLE CRUMPLE  EEEEEE..... 


At first I had no idea what I was hearing.  Then I did. So this is what happened next.


"SHIT! FUCK! DAMN!"


Yes, that was me saying some VERY bad words in front of all three of my girls.  They were out of my mouth before I could stop them.   I immediately  followed it up with,


"Those are very bad words girls!  Don't ever say them!  Mommy shouldn't have said them!"


Then another,


"Fuck!"


I mean since they had already heard it, might as well get another one in there.  


Then they started asking me what happened.  They were wondering what made me react in such a way, not to mention the noise they heard.  I told them I accidentally hit the car behind us as I was pulling up to the curb.  


I was frazzled, but got Sonya of of the van, across the street and headed to her Girl Scout meeting.  Lana and Georgia kept questioning what was going on and what I was doing.  


What I was doing was assessing the damage to both cars.  My van had a big scratch down the side, but in all honesty, that side didn't look so good before anyway.  It wasn't bad.  Huh.  Maybe the other car wasn't bad either and I could pretend like this WHOLE thing never happened.  Nope.  The other car had a giant noticeable scratch too.  Enough to know that it wasn't there before, but not horrible.  Something that could easily be fixed.  I hoped.  


So I did what I knew was the right thing to do.  The thing that would make sure Karma wouldn't track me down and hit my van with a big rig.  I left a note on the windshield.  Maybe the person wouldn't bother calling though.  There was still hope I could pretend this never happened.  Except he did call.  Luckily he was a very understanding considerate man.  He had been at the park playing with his kid when it happened. He told me that he googled my name since I left the note and found this blog.  Then he said to me,


"You're really busy, so why don't you just call your insurance company and have them deal with this, then you don't have to worry about it.  I just have one child and know how hard it is.  I can't imagine three!"  


I found it amusing that he thinks I'm so busy after reading a bit of my blog.  What would lead him to think that I wonder?  I find it even more amusing that people can google me and come upon this website and look!  One accident and I have a new reader.  (Hi Mychael!) Perhaps I should hit more people parked near parks since they most likely have children.  Although my insurance rates would most likely increase, which would sorta defeat the purpose I suppose.  


Anyway, my insurance company was great, they are dealing with it and it's off my plate.  I am sorry that this nice guy has to deal with getting his car fixed.  He did tell me he worked freelance, and since he's slow right now this would give him something to do.  See I helped him out!  Just spreading the cheer everywhere this holiday season!


I didn't tell Andy at first, because he had a lot going on the day it happened.  Plus I wanted to get all the information I needed about what, if anything, it would cost us and how to proceed.  I knew I would eventually have to tell him, not because of the scratch on the side of the van he'd probably never notice that, but because I had three eyewitnesses who would surely rat me out at some point.  Not to mention the fact that someday when one of them drops the F bomb, he's going to be wondering where they heard it.  GUILTY.  It sucks too, because I'm usually so good at watching my language around them.  Oh well, as long as we're not in public if they do say it we'll be all good.  Otherwise you'll be reading about it on here.


I will try to be more careful from now on.  Not that I'm not usually careful.  In fact my insurance company said my rates would most likely not increase, because this wasn't that bad.  Also because, as they put it, I've had a "boring record" for the past fourteen years.  I did have a couple speeding tickets and was nabbed with a rolling stop when I was younger.  Now I'm a good driver.  I do fear I have made my girls a bit nervous in the car now though.  Later that day when I went to pick Sonya up from Girl Scouts, I had to turn around in the middle of the street.  During my three point turn I got close to a parked car and Lana said,


"Watch out Mommy!  You don't  wan to hit dat car!"


Thanks Lana.  Where were YOU two hours before?