Friday, September 7, 2012

Alone Again, Naturally

Wednesday it happened.  I dropped Georgia off for her first day of preschool and there I was alone for three hours.  Awesome- right?  Fantastic!  You say?  Yeah, well, I went to my car and cried for about five minutes.  I couldn't help it and it kind of took me by surprise.  Two years ago, I was counting down the days until this happened and now?  Now I'm sad that I have no more babies at home.

Now, don't get me wrong.  Having three hours to myself was quite nice.  I went to the gym and shopped at Target alone-which for the record is even more dangerous because I have time to actually think about buying more things.  But still, I felt like something was missing.  All those times I had to reward with something from the dollar section if they were good, or ignore a major tantrum one of them was having in the middle of the store was not there.  Again, I thought I wouldn't miss it.  Dammit, I did.  Why does life do that to us?  Just when we think we're getting what we want we realize we already had it.

I know I will get used to this new way of life.  It's not like I've  THAT much time alone.  I still have Georgia on Tuesdays and Thursdays all day and Lana is home by 12:30.  It's just the road ahead is nothing but kids getting bigger and the house feeling a little emptier.  My sisters and most of my friends still have little ones at home and are envious of where I am.  Take it from me, it's harder on this side than you think it will be.  At least emotionally.  I suppose for me it's just difficult to  shut the door on that part of my life.  The part of having babies and toddlers, but I just have to accept that I'm past that. 

After I dropped Georgia off and I got to the gym, I sat in the parking lot trying to gather myself together.  I reminded myself that now I can focus on something other than just the kids sometimes.  I called Andy to commiserate with him, because unlike most husbands, he's more sad than I am about the girls getting older.  He told me he was sorry I was feeling that way and that he understood.  Then he said, in all seriousness, 

"Well, we can always have another baby."

Did I ever mention one of the reasons I married Andy is because of how funny he is?  

I immediately laughed at him and then realized,  I'm not THAT sad.  As much as I miss my girls being little and at home, I don't really think I could start that all over again.  I never say never, because that has made me a hypocrite more than once, but I wouldn't hold my breath on me having a baby ever again.  I know there are all new adventures to come with my girls in the upcoming years.  Even though they won't be as cute as they were at two, I know there will be plenty for me to be proud of and excited for.  I just need to focus on that.  But, I know deep down, I will forever miss this little face and all the cuteness that came along with it. 

"cheese" face

In her new classroom

1 comment:

cran said...

Had to laugh. At one time we had five kids at home, aged
15, 9, 5, 3, and 1. I used to use annual leave sometimes so I could have a quiet restaurant meal, alone, with a book, without cutting up meat for someone or refereeing fights. Those were desperate days because I really craved alone time. Now, the youngest two are in high school and life is soooo different. They always need you, in some way or another, and life is still sweet. You will adjust just fine. Hang in there!