Wednesday it happened. I dropped Georgia off for her first day of preschool and there I was alone for three hours. Awesome- right? Fantastic! You say? Yeah, well, I went to my car and cried for about five minutes. I couldn't help it and it kind of took me by surprise. Two years ago, I was counting down the days until this happened and now? Now I'm sad that I have no more babies at home.
Now, don't get me wrong. Having three hours to myself was quite nice. I went to the gym and shopped at Target alone-which for the record is even more dangerous because I have time to actually think about buying more things. But still, I felt like something was missing. All those times I had to reward with something from the dollar section if they were good, or ignore a major tantrum one of them was having in the middle of the store was not there. Again, I thought I wouldn't miss it. Dammit, I did. Why does life do that to us? Just when we think we're getting what we want we realize we already had it.
I know I will get used to this new way of life. It's not like I've THAT much time alone. I still have Georgia on Tuesdays and Thursdays all day and Lana is home by 12:30. It's just the road ahead is nothing but kids getting bigger and the house feeling a little emptier. My sisters and most of my friends still have little ones at home and are envious of where I am. Take it from me, it's harder on this side than you think it will be. At least emotionally. I suppose for me it's just difficult to shut the door on that part of my life. The part of having babies and toddlers, but I just have to accept that I'm past that.
After I dropped Georgia off and I got to the gym, I sat in the parking lot trying to gather myself together. I reminded myself that now I can focus on something other than just the kids sometimes. I called Andy to commiserate with him, because unlike most husbands, he's more sad than I am about the girls getting older. He told me he was sorry I was feeling that way and that he understood. Then he said, in all seriousness,
"Well, we can always have another baby."
Did I ever mention one of the reasons I married Andy is because of how funny he is?
I immediately laughed at him and then realized, I'm not THAT sad. As much as I miss my girls being little and at home, I don't really think I could start that all over again. I never say never, because that has made me a hypocrite more than once, but I wouldn't hold my breath on me having a baby ever again. I know there are all new adventures to come with my girls in the upcoming years. Even though they won't be as cute as they were at two, I know there will be plenty for me to be proud of and excited for. I just need to focus on that. But, I know deep down, I will forever miss this little face and all the cuteness that came along with it.
Now, don't get me wrong. Having three hours to myself was quite nice. I went to the gym and shopped at Target alone-which for the record is even more dangerous because I have time to actually think about buying more things. But still, I felt like something was missing. All those times I had to reward with something from the dollar section if they were good, or ignore a major tantrum one of them was having in the middle of the store was not there. Again, I thought I wouldn't miss it. Dammit, I did. Why does life do that to us? Just when we think we're getting what we want we realize we already had it.
I know I will get used to this new way of life. It's not like I've THAT much time alone. I still have Georgia on Tuesdays and Thursdays all day and Lana is home by 12:30. It's just the road ahead is nothing but kids getting bigger and the house feeling a little emptier. My sisters and most of my friends still have little ones at home and are envious of where I am. Take it from me, it's harder on this side than you think it will be. At least emotionally. I suppose for me it's just difficult to shut the door on that part of my life. The part of having babies and toddlers, but I just have to accept that I'm past that.
After I dropped Georgia off and I got to the gym, I sat in the parking lot trying to gather myself together. I reminded myself that now I can focus on something other than just the kids sometimes. I called Andy to commiserate with him, because unlike most husbands, he's more sad than I am about the girls getting older. He told me he was sorry I was feeling that way and that he understood. Then he said, in all seriousness,
"Well, we can always have another baby."
Did I ever mention one of the reasons I married Andy is because of how funny he is?
I immediately laughed at him and then realized, I'm not THAT sad. As much as I miss my girls being little and at home, I don't really think I could start that all over again. I never say never, because that has made me a hypocrite more than once, but I wouldn't hold my breath on me having a baby ever again. I know there are all new adventures to come with my girls in the upcoming years. Even though they won't be as cute as they were at two, I know there will be plenty for me to be proud of and excited for. I just need to focus on that. But, I know deep down, I will forever miss this little face and all the cuteness that came along with it.
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| "cheese" face |
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| In her new classroom |
