Portraits

Andy and I celebrated our 12th Anniversary a week and a half ago.  Not sure where 12 years went, but here we are.  Having three kids will make time fly by.  At least after you get past those sleep deprived years.  Sonya wasn't around most of the day of our anniversary due to a Girl Scout scavenger hunt.  Usually she makes us these elaborate cards or drawings for our special day.  I think since she wasn't around and didn't have time she felt bad,  so a few days afterward she gave Andy and me these portraits of us.

I don't know much about art, if anything at all, but for 9 years old I feel this is pretty damn good.  These were something she just sketched out in about ten minutes.  I am constantly amazed by her talent for art.  Probably because I can't get past making myself a stick figure, but still.  I have always found people who can draw well amazing.  I'm so proud that one of those people happens to be my daughter.  

Forty Years and Counting

Hi.  I am back.  I can't say I'm very happy about being back since we had one of the best, most awesomest times ever.  Coming back from vacation just plain sucks.  It was so nice to not to have to cook and clean at all, and even not to have to take care of my kids for half the time.  The waiters even CUT UP THEIR FOOD!  When I was with them, it was all fun times. It was so great to hang out with my sisters and let all the cousins play together for 8 days.  There are so many stories that I want to tell you including getting to cross "swimming with the dolphins" off my bucket list.  However, before I go in to all the fun we had, I feel like I should honor my parents since they are the reason that my family got to go on this once in a lifetime trip.

For the past year my sisters and I have worked on a scrapbook of sorts to give  them on this trip.  Beth and I contacted all of their family and friends from their 40 years together.  We asked them to do a page for their book.  Some people wrote, some sent pictures, some did a full scrap book themselves. Megan put the book together and we presented it to them on the boat on their anniversary last Sunday the 23rd.  Needless to say, they loved it.  Since I've talked about my girls on their birthdays and more or less written them letters, I thought I would share with all of you what I wrote to my parents in their book.  It was accompanied by pictures, but for now I will just share the words.  I think it is amazing that my parents have been together for so long and they are no doubt an inspiration to my sisters and me as we navigate through the smooth sailing and rocky waters of our own marriages.  (Like my boat metaphor?)  I thank them so much for the wonderful time they gave us this past week and all the great memories they helped us all to make with our own families.  I really do hope that someday I can do the same for my own girls.

The letter:

Dear Mom and Dad,

Happy 40th Anniversary!  

First of all, I know these things are usually more personable if one writes them in one’s own handwriting, but how glad are you that I didn’t do that?  I mean my terrible hybrid handwriting of the both of you was never the best, and you want to be able to go back in twenty years and read this again.  Your 80 something year old eyes will do better reading computer font, and thank me.  

I remember seven years ago when Sonya was just a baby and you came out for a summer visit.  We went to a water park and were floating around a lazy river, when you told me of your plan to take the entire family, however many that may be, on a Disney Cruise for your 40th Anniversary.  The only thing I could think of at that time was-”Damn that is so far away!  And thank God, because it just means that I will be 39 and that is so OLD!”
Time-it goes so fast.  Way to fast, really.  Still, here we are seven years, eight grandchildren and me, 39 plus, later.  

Can we talk about the me being 39 while your Anniversary is 40?  You couldn’t have been married a couple years just so I didn’t have to feel like I was knocking on the door to “over the hill” while celebrating your big anniversary? Thanks so much for that.  It’s always gotta be about you two!  Okay, I guess in some ways it’s actually kind of nice, since I always know what Anniversary you are celebrating because of my age.  I also  feel like I have been there since the beginning of your marriage adventure.  Perhaps not RIGHT at the beginning, but pretty damn close.  Unless you’ve lied to me about what month I was born....then I have MANY more questions.  

Yes, I’ve been there for all 40 years.  No, I don’t remember the first four and I left home 20 years ago, but I have seen the heart of your time together and know how much you both love and care for one another.  And you also sometimes annoy and anger each other.  Also important lessons to see, but more important is seeing how you work through things together.  Whether it was Daddy being away from home for a long period of time, dealing with us as teenage girls, or living with an empty nest, you’ve been through it all, and I’ve been taking mental notes.  In this time where it seems everyone gets divorced at the first sign of trouble, it’s great to see an example of a couple who still work through their differences and love each other more.  It’s even better when that example is your parents.  

We may not always agree or see eye to eye with the way to live our lives.  However, I can agree that together you always provided a loving, caring, safe environment of family where I (and I’m sure my sisters) always felt like we belonged.  Just recently I was in a parenting class where they talked about the importance of making sure your children feel like they are a part of your family.   A feeling of belonging.  Something so important that if you don’t do it, kids will go look for it somewhere else.  Someplace else that can get them into trouble, like a cult.  You both did a great job of providing us with that feeling of belonging, which is good for me because I don’t think I would have done well as a Scientologist.  Look at what happened to poor Katie Holmes.  

In all seriousness though, in your 40 years together, you created a home that even though was not ever in the same place, always had the same feeling. One of caring, love, and happiness.  (Well, except maybe between the ages of 14-17, but that’s more on me, or perhaps my hormones.  I shudder at what lies ahead of Andy and me). You two are the reason I wanted to get married and have children of my own.  I only ever wanted to be and provide what I had seen in you.  I hope you know how much you both mean to me and how much I love you and if you don’t, I’m telling you now.  

Thank you for all you have done for us in your years together.   Thank you for this awesome cruise.  Thank you for “doing it” only THREE TIMES and having us.  Thank you for loving us all, all of the time.  But mostly, thank you for loving each other the way you have and giving us all something to strive for.  I hope that Andy and I can do the same for our family in 29 years.  Then we can pay for you to come along and celebrate your 70 years together.   

The Aluminum Anniversary

A couple weeks ago I told you all about my ten year anniversary.  I mentioned how much I love my husband and how great he is.  He proved it further with his gifts to me for our anniversary.  Usually we don't exchange gifts, but since this was our tenth, we decided to make an exception.  Okay, fine.  I decided we should get each other gifts.  I mean it's been ten years!  Anyway, I didn't really care what he got or how much he spent, I just wanted a little something to commemorate the occasion.  Most guys would have just gotten some flowers or a random piece of jewelry, which would have been fine.  However, when Andy puts  thought behind a gift, he becomes the most romantic, sweetest, fantastic guy.  Here is what I got: 

Now most of you are looking at this and thinking- "Ummmm, looks like random jewelry to me."   But it isn't at all.  In fact, the necklace made me cry.  Here is what you are looking at.  

First of all, both pieces are made from aluminum since the tenth is the aluminum anniversary.  Who even knew there WAS such a thing as aluminum jewelry?  The earrings are purple, with gold in them.  They represent the place where Andy and I met, college.  The colors of our school were purple and gold. Those he gave to me on our anniversary.  The necklace came last week. When it arrived I called Andy to let him know and he explained it to me.   If you look at the necklace you will see dates stamped on each of the rectangles.  Those are the girls birthdays. The little round balls represent Andy and I.  They are peas in a pod.  That is where I started to cry.  Then he told me the reason they are blue and not green, like peas are supposed to be, is because my eyes are blue and he thought the blue would be better on me.  AWWWWW!! I know right!  He really CAN be so thoughtful and romantic.  I love both of my gifts.  I wish I could have been as thoughtful, but he really did need/want his new sunglasses.   

Now if only he could be romantic in a picking up his dirty clothes off the floor and putting his dirty dishes in the sink kind of way.  I guess for now though, he gets a free pass.

Ten

Yesterday was an very important day in our family.  It was important because it was the anniversary of the beginning of this family.  Ten years ago yesterday in a church in Rhode Island, Andy and I vowed to stay together for the rest of our lives, in front of all of our family and friends.  So much has happened in that ten years.  Namely the three little beings who have turned our lives into something completely different from where we were back then.  The funny thing is, we weren't supposed to have October 12 as our anniversary date.  We were supposed to be married on September 15th of that year.  If you're following, you will see that was also the same year as the September 11th attacks.

Since I told you all the story of how we met, I thought it appropriate to tell you the story about our wedding.  Everyone has something that goes wrong at their wedding.  Usually, it's something that is easily fixed.  For us it was a little more involved of a fix.  

Any one out there who has planned a wedding, knows how much work and preparation goes into it.  How you get more excited as the day gets closer.  It was no different for me.  We were living in Los Angeles then, as we do now, but were planning on getting married in Rhode Island.  Andy grew up there  and since I had moved so much when I was younger, it made more sense to get married where one of us had strong ties.  On Tuesday, September 11, 2001 we were supposed to be taking a red-eye flight to RI, where we would get married that Saturday.  

I remember that morning as clear as everyone else in this country does.  Andy and I lived in an apartment in Burbank that had a running track behind it.  I would get up early most mornings and go for a run, before getting ready for work.  I headed out that morning with my cassette walk-man (I guess iPods weren't quite there yet) and turned on KROQ.  I listed to the Kevin and Bean show every morning.  I knew that they were on vacation and would most likely be playing old shows, but when I heard the voice of Ralph, who does entertainment and the news guy Doc I got confused.  They were not on vacation with the others and what were they doing live?  Weird.  I continued to run and as I ran, their words starting sinking in.  

Plane hit the tower.

Another plane hits the second tower.

The first tower falls.

I just continued to run, hoping that this was all a mistake.  Thinking they would come on and claim it as some War of the Worlds type thing, but no, they seemed pretty somber and extremely serious.  I finally decided to end my run and went up to the apartment where I found Andy wide awake sitting on couch watching the whole thing on TV.

"Where were you?!" He demanded.

"Where I go every morning, to run," I said more calmly than I felt.

He had been worried when he received a phone call about what was going on and I wasn't there.  We sat on the couch for a while watching the second tower fall and trying not to panic.  The talk started about this being a terrorist attack.  Then came word of other planes being hijacked and immediately and all the planes were grounded.  Then as the horror of the attacks continued, I started to have thoughts in the back of my head that were completely selfish, but I couldn't ignore.  What about my wedding?  

Now let me just say right here how tragic what happened was.  I have so much sympathy for everyone who lost their loved ones that day.  I couldn't even begin to imagine.  That is what made it worse for me.  I was lucky to still have everyone I loved safe and sound, but there was this huge thing that was supposed to be happening in mine and Andy's life that was what?  Not going to happen?  Going to happen later?  Be moved to a different location?  I had no idea.  I felt bad for even trying to think about it, but we had to.  

All the planes were grounded.  The times for them to be back in the air kept getting pushed back, and back, and back.  The earliest they could get us into RI was the day of our wedding by 10am.  The wedding was at 2pm.  And that was just us.  We had no idea what all my friends and family were going to do.  Luckily, my parents were already in RI with my soon to be in-laws.  They had driven there the day before to help tie up loose ends.  Now we had to tie the biggest loose end of all.  Moving the ENTIRE wedding to another date.  

I am so thankful to the four of them for all they did those couple days.  I was in no frame of mind to make those calls myself.  Again, I can't tell you how guilty I felt at that time for feeling upset about the loss of my wedding, especially when so many people lost so much more.  But I couldn't help it.  It was something I had planned for, well my entire life really.  

Fortunately, it was fixable.  The place we were having our reception had two dates available, one in November and October 12th.  I chose October, for fear of snow in November.  You never know in New England.  All of our vendors we were using from DJ to photographer, were understanding and available that day.  The good thing was that it was a Friday and not many people choose a Friday to get married.  This helped us out.  Most of our family and friends were able to change plane tickets and make the switch.  There were a few people we lost, but a couple that we gained with the new date as well.  The day itself ended up being beautiful.  The weather was awesome and we had a fantastic time.  We went through a bit of stress, but it all worked out in the end.  That is more than I can say for so many people's lives that day.  I am grateful that was the worst problem I had to deal with. 

Now, ten years later, it has become just an interesting little fact in our lives.  All of our engravings and wedding invitations say September 15th, 2001, yet our actual wedding date is October 12th.  Every September 15, Andy and I wish each other a Happy Fake Anniversary.  That week is such a blur in my mind, but Andy remained calm and helpful through it all.  He was a rock.  Well, after the initial shock anyway.   I am thankful for him every day, because besides being a great husband, he is the best father I could have asked for my girls.  He has continued to be my support and my rock through so many points in this past ten years.  When they told me I needed to have a C-section with Sonya and I burst into tears, when I became surprisingly pregnant for the third time with Georgia, and when Lana had a number of problems as a baby.  He has been helpful through all of it.  Sure we've had a few bumps in the road, but this is something I have learned about marriage in the past ten years.  It's not about flowers and chocolates.  Don't expect midnight trips to Paris on a private jet for your birthday.  Life is not a soap opera.  (Which is too bad sometimes) It's about really being there in the good times AND the bad, the sickness and the health.  We've been there for each other.  It's not always easy, but it's always totally worth it.  For our girls and for each other.  So here's to my wonderful husband of ten years.  I can honestly say I love you more than the day we got married, and I hope to feel that way in another ten years, and another ten, and another.  Then we should be good.  Thirty years is long enough to be married, right? 

I love you Andy, Happy 10th Anniversary. Thanks for making all my family dreams come true.

Quick footnote-If I haven't said it before, I will say it now, thank you to all of you who switched your plans and lives around to be there with us on this day.  Besides having a great husband, I have amazing family and friends.  

Working On Her Resume For PETA

Yesterday was mine and Andy's ninth anniversary.  Nine years!  Damn!  How did that happen?  What happened to time?  I mean when I was seven it seemed like Christmas took nine years to come every year.  Now every time I turn around we're celebrating the holidays.  I'm not liking this time moving so quickly thing.  Okay, that's not what I came here to talk about today, though.  Back to the anniversary.  


Andy and I decided to buy a couple of lobsters for our anniversary dinner instead of spending the money going out to dinner.  No, they are not the Maine Lobsters you get in Rhode Island in the middle of the summer, but they're actually pretty good.   A wee bit more expensive than the ones from the other coast, but eh, it was our anniversary.  


After I picked up Sonya from Girls Scouts yesterday, I stopped at the grocery store to buy the lobsters.  Every time we go to the grocery shopping the girls want to go over to the tank and see the lobsters, so the fact that we were actually going to take a couple out and bring them home was exciting for them.  Only, they didn't quite get what they were coming home for.  


We stood at the tank and picked out which ones we would get.  Then the Ralph's employee came over to wrangle them out of the tank and into a bag.  They were not so happy to go and each of them flipped their tail as the exited the water.  Lana and Sonya looked on a little frightened, but Georgia giggled and wanted to take more out.  After they were weighed and safely tucked in the going home bag, we went to the front to pay.  Then we headed out to the car to go home.  As I was buckling them in their seats, Lana asked me,


"What da yobsters for?"


"Well, they're for mommy and daddy to have for dinner.  For our anniversary." I told her as honestly as I could.  


"NO, but you not going to EAT DEM!  You get sick!" She insisted.


"Yes we are going to eat them, Lana.  They're yummy," I tried to tell her again.  


"No!  You just joking, mommy.  You get sick if you eat dem."  This went on for a bit.


 Then she said, "But they're for your ANNIVERSARY!"  I'm not really sure what that was supposed to mean.  I think she thought I bought them to keep them as pets or something.  A little present for Andy and I.  Perhaps they could be the new little dog.  Oh look she has a lobster in her purse!  How cute!!  Who knows what she thought?  I kept trying to tell her I was going to cook them for dinner,  she kept brushing me off saying, 


"No, you just joking!"  


I suppose I can see why she thought this, since Andy jokes about things quite often with the girls.  I mean why on earth would we want to eat giant bug looking things that came out of the water?  This is definitely something Andy would try to sell  them.  Then I realized that maybe she couldn't really put together the whole killing a live thing and eating it concept, even though we do eat meat and chicken in our family.  However, if she knew where those things came from, she might not anymore.  So I let it go and I finally said, 


"Okay, Lana, you're right.  We're just going to keep the lobsters."


Then she said, "So you gonna EAT DEM?"  


I can not win with that kid.  








P.S. They were delicious!  

Eight Years and Counting

Most of the time I regale you with colorful stories about my girls.  Today, however is my 8th anniversary and I do believe I mentioned somewhere on this blog, that at some point I'd give you the fateful story of how Andy and I met.  I thought today would be a good day to do it.  Even though it's not technically about my girls, without us meeting, there would be no girls.  Consider this the origin of Pooping in Peace, if you will.  For those of you who have heard the story before, you might learn something new, so sit back and listen to it (or read it) again!

Andy and I went to college together.  Well, we went to the same college in Boston, Emerson, but we didn't really know each other at all.  We were acquaintances, and that was about it.  He was in the same fraternity as my jerky college boyfriend, so I knew who he was and vise versa, but we never really hung out.  At one point, when said jerky college boyfriend broke up with me briefly, he considered asking me out, but never did.  Just as well, the timing would have been off.  

During our last semester of our Senior year at Emerson, a good number of the seniors move out to Los Angeles to do internships, and try to get their foot in the door somewhere in Hollywood.  It's a pretty good program for the most part.  My friends and I decided to drive across country during our three week winter break to get to L.A.  This way I would have my parents mini-van to drive for four months, not to mention it was an easier way to get all my junk to L.A. 

We didn't have set places to stay the night every day, we would just drive until we felt like stopping, while seeing some sights along the way.  When we decided we wanted to sleep we would stop at different hotels to find who had the best rate.  My friend Melissa or Trista would run in and request a price for the night.  We would eventually pick whatever was the cheapest, without being the grossest.  I'm all about saving a buck, but not at the expense of sharing my bed with a cockroach.  Belch!

It was toward the end of our trip and we had finally gotten out of Texas.  (Do you have ANY idea how long and boring a state Texas is to drive through?)  We were in Las Cruses, New Mexico, and we were tired of driving.  We stopped at a couple hotels, but were still in the looking stage.  Our 3rd stop was a Days Inn.  Melissa ran inside to check out the price, but she was taking a much longer time than usual.  When she finally did emerge she had two guys walking behind her.  Trista and I wondered aloud if she had picked up some men, which wouldn't be out of the realm of Melissa's character.  She was always the one who would talk to any guy at a bar.  That didn't mean she was going home with him, but she was always nice and chatty with everyone, especially after a beer or two.  As they got closer, however, we realized that we KNEW these guys.  They went to Emerson with us.  HOW WEIRD!!  

Andy and his best friend Norb were the guys with Melissa.  She had been in classes with them, as had Trista, so they knew them a bit better then I did.  We decided we had to stay there that night, because it was just so odd meeting people we knew randomly in the middle of the country.  We went and checked into a room got ourselves settled and went to hang out with the guys.  They had ordered pizza and we all drank most of the night.  I liked Andy right away.  He was a really funny guy and kinda cute, but I still had jerky boyfriend, who every family member and friend will tell you I shouldn't have still been with at that point.  The last thing I was thinking of was dating this guy.  We just had a fun time together, and it started a friendship among all of us.  

The next morning I got up to go swimming in the indoor pool the hotel had.  I had two gold bracelets I always wore.  One was given to me by my high school boyfriend, and one had been given to me by my then current jerky boyfriend.  I had forgotten to take them off in the room, so I took them off and put them with my towel by the pool.  Somewhere between swimming and going back to the room they were lost.  I looked everywhere for them with no luck and was devastated at the time.  Looking back on it now, I suppose I could see it as a sign pointing me in a different direction.  

When we got to L.A., we kept in touch with Andy and Norb and hung out in their apartment.  After graduation and upon moving to Los Angeles permanently,  I continued to go over to their place with other girlfriends of mine.  We would all watch movies or have dinner together.  It was always a group of us.  I was living with jerky boyfriend at this point, but more out of necessity than want.  I know-it was not a proud time in my life.  The more I hung out with Andy the more I realized I had feelings for him other than just friends.  I had an idea he felt the same.  Eventually, we confided in each other, and there was a kiss in there that was very telling.  I knew what I had to do.  It was a very rocky three months, where I finally ended my relationship with jerky boyfriend, he moved out, a friend moved in and Andy and I began dating.  

In February of 2000 we got engaged.  We were supposed to be married on September 15th 2001, but the tragic events of September 11th forced us to postpone for a month, winding up with our anniversary on this day, October 12th.  We've been married for eight years and together for thirteen.  I'd love to say it's been all sunshine and roses, but I think you all would know I was lying.  Every relationship is some work.  Nobody has a perfect one, and we have had our share of ups and downs over the years.  However,  I can say with certainty, that the ups far outweigh the downs.  There is nobody else I would want to work on a relationship with. There is nobody else I would want to raise these three girls with.  I love him as much today as the day I married him, probably more.  And he makes me laugh just as hard as the day we "met" at the Days Inn in Las Cruses, New Mexico... probably more.  I love you, baby!  Happy 8th Anniversary.