Going To The Chapel

Remember a few weeks ago when I talked about my Grandpa having a girlfriend? Yes, well, yesterday they got married.  MARRIED, YOU GUYS!  AT 85!!  Can you believe it?  They decided to do this a couple weeks ago.  My parents were here at the time to watch the girls, but that was not a good weekend for Grandpa and his betrothed, so they decided on May 6th.  I mean at 85 why wait??  My Dad managed to get a flight back out here for the weekend, but since it's the end of the year for my school teacher mom, she wasn't going to make it.  It wasn't to be a huge affair, family only.  My girls, however, heard "wedding" and assumed something completely different than what it ended up being.  


I let them dress up in their Easter dresses, because they looked so cute in them.  Plus it's nice to get a second use out of the occasion dresses.  (Can't say the same for my Bridesmaids dress I wore a couple weeks ago, but whatever).  The girls came to a wedding with us back in October when our neighbor's daughter got married.  She had a big wedding, with the white dress, fanfare and all.  I'm pretty sure this is what my girls expected to see again.  Before we even left on Sunday they wanted to know how long it was going to be, because the one in October had been a full Catholic mass.  They wanted to prepare for how long they would have to behave.   I assured them that it would be a fairly quick ceremony.  There wasn't any music or walking down the aisle.  Just an everybody gather round- do you?, do you? kind of event.  


The family  got to the church around the same time.  We had to wait a bit for the few who weren't there yet, but as soon as they arrived, my Uncle-who is a Pastor-started the ceremony.  Grandpa, Meta, my Dad-who was the best man, and Meta's daughter-Matron of Honor, stood up in front of my Uncle and the church.  Meta was dressed in a simple purple pant suit and Grandpa in his church suit.  Nothing fancy.  About three minutes into the ceremony, as my Uncle is in the middle of talking and praying, Lana leans over and asks me in her, normal non-whisper, there-is-no-way-everyone-can't-hear-her voice,


"Mommy!  When is the wedding going to start?"


I gave her my mom -be quiet look, then half mouthed half whispered, "They are doing it now."


"But mom!  When is it going to start?!" She asked more insistently.


"Right now," I tried telling her again.


"Now?" She asked confused.  Then I nodded my head yes to her.  


She sat back in her chair.  Then about two minutes later leaned over to get my attention again, and in the same voice said,


"Is THIS the wedding?"


"Yes, Lana," I said.  Then I gave her the "Shhh"sign.  


She still didn't seem convinced.  Where was the music?  Where was the big white dress?  Where were the flowers?  I guess I forgot to tell her that at 85 you don't have the time or the care for all that.  They just wanted to be married to take care of each other for as long as they have left.  They looked completely happy and content to be there.  No fanfare needed.


After the ceremony we headed over to Marie Callendars where Grandpa had reserved the banquet room for us.  Now I'm not going to go and be a foodie snob and talk about how I am not a fan of chain restaurants, even though I'm not.  I know Grandpa doesn't have a bunch of money and this was an affordable place for him to take us all to celebrate, so I am appreciative.  And hey, at least it wasn't the Olive Garden, right?  However, this particular restaurant, was remodeling their bathrooms.  So the bathrooms for us to use were porta potties in the parking lot.  Now, granted, these were the top of the line nice porta potties, but still with that porta potty smell.  A smell that reminds me of Girl Scout camping as a kid but is so horrible and makes me gag to this day.  Do you know how many times little kids need to go to the bathroom during a two and a half hour celebration dinner?  No?  Well let me tell you. Three times.  THREE times, I had to march to the porta potty aaaalllll the way in the PARKING LOT.  Okay, so that was a bit of a pain.  And again, I am grateful for the dinner, but you know, I have to complain about something on this blog.  


On the plus side, my girls were exceptionally well behaved at the church and the restaurant. We had comments all around from our family and restaurant patrons, who we passed multiple times coming back inside from the bathroom, telling us how adorable they were.  I have to say, they most definitely were.  I was so proud that they weren't running around and acting crazy, which they sometimes tend to do in those situations.  Perhaps it's because I may have threatened to take treats away for two weeks if they weren't model children.  Whatever works people!  Whatever works.  


Toward the end of dinner Sonya leaned over to me and said, 


"Mommy, can we call Meta Great Grandma now?"


"Sure!" I told her. "I don't see why not. She would probably like that."


"Okay," she said.  Then she paused, looked at me nervously and said, "But I don't want to be the first one to do it.  Can someone else call her that first?"


I giggled at her then told her, "Don't worry about it.  I'm sure someone else will say it before you get the chance."


My Grandparents were married for 63 years.  Even though Grandpa won't have that long with his new wife, I'm so happy he found someone to spend whatever time he does have left who makes him smile.  I haven't seen him so giddy in years, if ever.  So Congratulations to Grandpa and our new (Great) Grandma!  Here's to making the rest of your years left on this planet worth living for.  

Young Love In Old People

I've talked about my Grandfather on this blog before.  Today he turns 85.  He is my last Grandparent alive, and I am lucky enough to live near him, so that my girls get a chance to know him.  A year and a half ago, he lost my Grandmother, his wife of over 60 years.  Although, she's only been gone two years, it's emotionally been longer than that for him. She developed Alzheimer's several years before her passing, and didn't know him or anyone else for a good portion of that time.  Grandpa has been lonely for a quite a while.  After she passed, he spent most of his days in a chair in the room he lives in at my uncle's house, either sleeping or watching TV.  It seemed like he was just "waiting for his time".  Then something happened.  Something I never thought I'd see.  My 85 year old Grandfather got himself a girlfriend.


Grandpa usually comes to visit us at least once a month.  He likes to see the girls, and he and I chat and catch up for about an hour, before he heads back home.  It was during one of these visits that he told me about this lady who kept saving him seats next to her at church functions.  She saved him a seat after a wedding and at a Christmas celebration.  He told me how she had tracked him down at the Christmas party to make sure he knew that she had a seat saved next to her.


"Um, Grandpa," I said.  "I think she might like you."


"Well.... maybe," he agreed.


"Ask her out then!" I told him.


"Well, I was thinking about it, but she lives in Burbank and it's far to drive..." he said.


"Grandpa!  You drive here to see us!!" I reminded him.  "Why not come here to see her?"


He chuckled and said, "Well, maybe."


"Yes, do it!" I encouraged him.  "Why not?  It would be good for you to have someone to hang out with."


After Christmas, I didn't hear from him for a while.  At the end of last year he had talked about going to visit my parents in Florida in January like he had the year before. They never heard from him.  Then he called me in February one day to see if I was at home.  He was in Burbank, and wanted to stop by.  Apparently, he had taken my advice and for the past month and a half had been driving to Burbank at least twice a week to see Matea.  He wanted to bring her by and introduce her to me and the girls.  Unfortunately, I was in the middle of one of my crazy drive all over Burbank for gymnasticgirlscoutpianobaseball days and wasn't going to be home.  I told him to let me know ahead of time when he'd be in town again, so I could make sure we could meet up.  Otherwise, I told him to bring her to Lana's birthday party the next month.  How was I to know how that disaster of a day would turn out?  Unfortunately, that is what he ended up doing.  


I don't know if any of you remember that story of Lana's awesome birthday party, but it was not a friendly environment for a couple in their 80's.  Between the rain outside and the extreme noise inside, they weren't looking to stay for too long.  Can't say I blamed them.  I did manage to say hi  and meet her for a brief minute.  I was able to grab each of the girls for ten seconds to introduce them and then they were off.  Grandpa and Matea went to the living room, had cake and then excused themselves about twenty minutes later.  I felt bad but there was not much I could do except invite them over again in more calm and quiet circumstances.


So last week Grandpa and his girlfriend stopped by for a visit.  The girls were all here and they had a little more time to show off their cuteness and yes, more of their craziness.  Matea didn't seem to be bothered by the antics of my girls, and I had a chance to talk and get to know her.  Turns out she was born and raised in Burbank.  She also raised her four kids here.  She is a very sweet woman and likes Grandpa A LOT.  They sat on the couch next to each other, holding hands and making googly eyes the entire time they were here.  If they weren't so much older it would have been annoying, but I gotta admit, Geriatric love is adorable.  


They left after about an hour or so.  I gave Grandpa a birthday card with a gift certificate to one of five different restaurants.  He was excited and announced that he had wanted to take her to one of those places.  I was excited he had someone to go with him out to eat again.  He was happier than I've seen him in years.  It sounds cheesy, but there is a certain spark in his eye.  He's found a reason to keep going, and I couldn't be happier.  


After they left, that night at dinner Sonya said to me,


"Hey mom, if Great-Grandpa and Matea get married, will she be my Great-Grandma?"


"Well, yeah sort of.  She'll be your step Great-Grandma," I informed her.  "Is that okay with you if that happens?"


"Oh yeah!" she said, excited at the prospect at another grandparent around.


I am also okay with this idea.  My Grandpa and Matea were both concerned with how their families were going to react to their dating, but as far as I can tell, at least on Grandpa's side, we are all so very happy for him.  He's brought up the subject of getting married to her a couple times to me.  Sure it's only been four months, but as he said "I'm not getting any younger!"  At 85, that is the truth, but whatever time he has left, might as well be spent with someone he likes to be with and not his chair and television.  So I'm hoping that they do make it official because it's great to see that even at 85 love and happiness can be found.  Happy Birthday Grandpa!  Here's to (at least) another ten happy in love years!!

Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

Sonya has never been one of those kids who I have to worry about saying embarrassing things about people.  I don't know if she is smart enough to know better, or is just to shy to talk in front of people she doesn't know well.  What I mean by this is she's never pointed things out to strangers or even people we know that might make them feel uncomfortable.  Like the time my mom was out shopping with my niece, Gracie. A nice woman came up to talk to them and comment on how cute Gracie was.  Apparently the woman has some out of control hair, and Grace pointed it out by telling the woman that her hair was a mess.  My sister was just grateful it was my mom who took the hit and not her.  As many times as I've been put in similar situations with Sonya, she has never said something like that.  Until Friday.


My Grandpa came over on Friday afternoon to see Sonya for her birthday, give her a card and the annual birthday gift of $10.  It's so cute because he's been giving the same amount for birthdays since I was a kid.  Only when I was a kid I also got  pieces of stale bubble gum taped to the inside of the card.  That might have been my favorite part.  He does have six grand kids, and fourteen great grand kids and after a while that money adds up.  Perhaps $10 was a good amount to choose and stick with all those years ago, especially living on a fixed income.  Either way, Sonya was excited for the money and couldn't wait to put it in her piggy bank.  


We hung out and chatted for a while.  Then we went to the kitchen so Sonya and I could make her birthday cake.  Grandpa sat and watched as we made the batter.  Sonya decided that was a good time to ask a few questions rolling around in her head.  


"Is Grandma dead?" was the first thing on her mind.  


"Yes, Sonya," I told her.  "Remember she died over the summer and went to heaven?"


"Oh yeah."


Then she thought for a minute and asked, "How old is Grandpa?"


"Why don't you ask him?" I told her.  So she did and he told her that he was 83 years old.  


Then she looked over at me and asked, "Why isn't Grandpa dead yet?"


Ummmmmm...ha...ha...Oh Sonya....


I wanted Southwest so I could "get away".  


It's not like the death questions are entirely new.  We did deal with this a bit back in June, but it caught me off guard once again.  Especially since this time it was IN FRONT of my Grandpa.  


It didn't seem to bother him at all though.  He's well aware of his age and the fact that he is close to the end of his life.  He started talking about telemarketers  calling him, and how he explains to them that he's too old and doesn't have time to buy what they're selling.  After that the comment was forgotten.  I think.  Eh-Grandpa's probably too old to remember anyway.  Actually, that's not true.  He has a pretty good memory, but I'll just pretend he doesn't to save me the embarrassment.  

No More Green Bananas

When I talked about my family coming in to town last week, I mentioned how it was for the passing of my Paternal Grandmother. Her memorial service was supposed to be this past Saturday. I say "supposed to be", because it wasn't. My family flew out here from Milwaukee and Florida and there was no farewell to Grandma to be had. The reason was because, unfortunately, Thursday afternoon my Grandfather ended up in the hospital with kidney failure. The good news is, he made it to the hospital in time. He is still being treated and for the time being is doing okay. Since it was my Grandpa's wife we were honoring, it was understandable that we wanted to be there for it. There was no way he was going to be out of the hospital by Saturday so he decided he wanted to postpone the service.

Sooooo, yeah. My (almost) entire family, came out here for nothing. Well, it wasn't REALLY for nothing. We did get to spend time together and have a great time. I'm glad they came, but feel bad that the reason they were specifically here didn't happen. It was nobody's fault though. Instead of going to Grandma's Memorial on Saturday, we decided to go visit Grandpa in the hospital. Five kids and all!!

The day before we were going to the hospital I told Sonya how Grandpa got sick, and instead of going to Grandma's Memorial, we were going to visit Grandpa. She didn't really ask too many questions at that point. On Saturday morning, Sonya was sitting in her closet putting her shoes on. I was sitting on her bed helping Lana get dressed. Sonya had a sad look on her face and then she says to me,

"Mommy? Is Great Grandpa going to die too?"

Oh boy. I wasn't prepared for that one. When I decided to have kids, I was ready to change diapers, calm a crying baby, and kiss boo-boos. I didn't think ahead to someday having to explain death. Why does nobody tell you these things?! The only thing worse is this points to the fact that, sooner rather than later, I'll have to explain about getting a period and...(deep breath) S-E-X. Ah, the joys of parenting!

After taking a minute to gather my thoughts I said, "Oh Sonya. No, Great Grandpa isn't going to die today, but everybody does dies sometime." I didn't want to lie to the kid. My Grandfather IS 83. As much as I love him and would love to have him around for a lot longer, time is just not on his side anymore. He even jokes that he won't buy green bananas anymore.

She kind of nodded her head like she understood, but still looked very sad.

"Come over here," I told her motioning in my direction. When she got to me I gave her a hug and told her again, "Great Grandpa is okay right now. He just had to go to the hospital because he got sick, but he's not going to die right now, okay sweetie?

"K," she said back.

"Go finish getting your shoes on so we can go, " I told her and off she went. She seemed to trust in my answer.

I'm not positive I handled that correctly. Who the hell can tell when you're doing the right parenting job or if you're screwing your kids up for life? I guess I'll find out when she gets old enough for therapy. In the meantime, I THINK I did okay. I didn't lie to her and tell her he was going to be around forever, but I didn't scare her into thinking everyone was dying tomorrow.

I will say it caught me a little off guard as well, because she made me see that Grandpa is near the end of his life. Although I already knew this logically, I guess emotionally she made me realize it more. He is my last grandparent, and even though I didn't see him much as I kid, I've really gotten to know him in the past 14 years I've lived here in California. He's a really sweet man who married Andy and I and has been around to get to know my three girls. He comes over to visit at least once a month and is always around for a birthday party or a holiday. He has done his best in the past few years to make up for what he missed with us as kids. He also has some interesting stories about when he was a young man before he and Grandma were married. I always find that kind of history fascinating.

So, I hope he recovers quickly and gets to go home soon. I really want all three of my girls to remember their Great Grandpa. At least to some extent. Plus, I'm not quite done listening to all those stories of "the old days", and if I had to guess Grandpa is not quite done telling them. I mean 83 isn't THAT old.