Monday, August 30, 2010

When I Was YOUR Age...

When I became parent, I never saw myself becoming one of those parents who talks about the hardships from my own childhood. You know the stories-

"When I was a kid we had to walk two miles to school. In the SNOW. With NO winter coat! You kids should consider yourselves LUCKY to have transportation!"

Well, first of all we hardly lived anyplace that got that much snow, and secondly we always had buses. So I never considered what I would possibly tell my own kids that would be hard for them to imagine. Maybe lack of cell phones? I suppose, but they're not old enough to care about those yet. Then last weekend when we went away I realized what it was that is soooo much better now. The thing that they take for granted that we parents had to suffer through.

The way they watch TV.

My girls never have to wait for a show to be on. They can watch whatever show whenever they want, for the most part. The only thing keeping them from doing so is me. They have no idea how good they have it!! And in turn how bad/good it is for me.

Last weekend when we were at the hotel, we decided to take it a bit easy. Even though we wanted to get to the beach, we weren't going to wake up early and rush to get there. The girls, however, woke up early and I decided to put something on for them to watch so I could go back to bed. Immediately, Lana yelled,

"I wanna watch Mickey!"

"There's no Mickey here, Lana," I told her.

"WHY?" she asked.

"Because you can only watch whatever shows are on TV right now. Nothing is recorded here."

They all looked at me like I had five heads. What on earth could I be talking about? They could always watch whatever they wanted whenever, as long as I agreed. As far as they could tell, I was agreeing. What was the problem here?

I proceeded to find the kid friendly channels and give them three options. PBS, HBO Family, or Disney Channel. They agreed on one of the shows on at that time, and I went to lay back down. It was only 6:45 for cryin' out loud! After that show was over, they called for me to come put something else on for them. I explained to them that something else would come on all by itself and Sonya said,

"But this is going to stop in a minute."

For those of you with TiVOs or DVRs or whatever, which at this point in time I assume everyone has something, at the end of your show it will stop and ask if you want to delete or keep it. Sonya kept waiting for this question at the end of EVERY SHOW SHE WATCHED. Finally I tried to clarify to them that this is the way things used to be when I was a kid. We didn't get to just pick what we wanted to watch whenever, AND we didn't even have entire channels dedicated to just entertaining us. Well, maybe MTV, but that didn't really pique my interest until I was older then they are now.

When we were kids, if you wanted to watch Tom and Jerry, or Scooby Doo, you sure as hell better have your homework done and your butt in front of the TV by 3:30. If you missed it, too bad. You either waited for the next day, or for the day of all days. SATURDAY . That day by which the cartoons came on one after another for FIVE ... STRAIGHT ... HOURS!! Unfortunately, a show would come on that you hated and you'd have to find something else to do for a bit. Eventually, though, Smurfs would show up, or Looney Tunes and you'd be all set for another thirty minutes. Then the beloved cartoon fest would end and all of a sudden tennis, or even worse golf, would show up on your screen and you knew the good times were over until next week. Now you actually had to find something to DO! Some way to play and use your imagination. THAT was a chore after all that mindless cartoon watching.

On the one hand this was good, because my parents didn't really have to limit our TV watching too much. Kids shows weren't on 24/7 like they are now, either by channel or by DVR. On the other hand, if your kids were really starting to get on your last nerve you could never call out-"Who wants to watch something?!", in a last desperate attempt to get them to settle down for fifteen minutes so you can shower, or poop in peace.

So, there I was in a hotel room in Newport Beach, telling my kids how good they have it now, because they can watch whatever show they want, whenever. Not when I was little though, nope. I had to WAIT for shows to come on! And when they did, I had to walk a mile through the snow, in flip-flops, just to get to a TV with good reception. Okay, maybe I went a little overboard with that one.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

I had one of those mornings today where I thought, "Really? So THIS is how the day is going to go?"

There was not one story that stood out, just a bunch of little things like, the girls waking up at 6:15am when they didn't go to sleep until almost 8:45 last night. Thanks babysitter! Then I lost the little bag filled with Sonya's "box tops" fundraiser for school. They were on the counter one minute and gone the next. Sonya also couldn't find her watch, which she insisted I put somewhere, but for the life of me don't remember putting it anywhere. She got a rubber band VERY tangled into her hair. I came thisclose to cutting the rubber band, her hair or both. Both the hair incident and not finding the watch led to tears, mostly because she's so damn tired. Some of those tears stuck around as she walked out the door to school. Andy assured me she had calmed down by the time he dropped her off, but I'm pretty sure her day is going to include at least one more meltdown.

The little girls were being a bit neglected while I was dealing with getting Sonya out of the house. They were done with their breakfast and wanted down, but I had hair to untangle so they would have to wait. Lana got herself down, but GG was strapped in and decided to show her unhappiness by throwing fruit all over the floor. They also had gymnastics and nobody wanted to get their leotard on, mostly Lana. After wrestling with her for a few minutes I finally put her in time out to calm down. Not to mention calm me down. Unfortunately, this meant we arrived to gymnastics fifteen minutes late.

So yeah. Good morning! I felt like Alexander in the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. My only comfort is that it's Friday and we have a fairly low key weekend. And since it's Friday, I will allow myself some wine this evening. Or perhaps this afternoon. When is it to early to start drinking?

Lost and Found update: I found the baggie full of box tops. They somehow ended up in one of the kitchen drawers. Sonya's watch-I suddenly remembered her taking it off the other day and showing me she was putting it in a "safe place". Then I remembered where the safe place was and found the watch. So it looks like the WHOLE day won't be so bad after all! I guess I'll wait until 7 for my wine. Then again, I should probably reserve judgement until AFTER I pick Sonya up from school.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Vacation-All I Ever Wanted!

About a month ago, I decided it would be a nice idea if just the five of us went away for the weekend. I know we went on vacation when my in-laws were here, but I wanted to do something with just our little family. I looked on line and found a Marriott in Newport Beach at a cheap price. See, my Dad works for Marriott, so we get discounts on all Marriott hotels. You have to find the right time, the right hotel and I can't always get his rate, but most of the time I can. And when I can, it is REALLY cheap. He is never allowed to stop working there. At least not until someone else in the family gets a job working for them.

I thought this would be the perfect little getaway. Hotel near the beach, we can relax, go to the beach, swim in the pool have dinner out. Most importantly, I don't have to cook or clean. Then again, I sometimes forget that I still have three small people who still need LOTS of attention. Damn them! I was looking for relaxing! I also forget that in order to do these trips I have to spend an entire day packing and getting everyone ready, then an entire day unpacking and cleaning up after everyone. Is it worth it to have two days of no cooking and cleaning? Okay, well maybe, but still. It ends up being a lot of work. Going on vacation with kids, I realize, will ALWAYS be a working vacation no matter what. We did have some fun, even if we had a couple minor problems. Like the fact that I forget to pack Andy's bathing suit. On a trip to the beach. And the only one he could find at Target was white with fuchsia flowers. Good news! It was ONLY five dollars!! Oh, and then there was also losing Lana's blankie.

We drove down there on Friday night. Newport Beach is only about 45 miles from our house, but you never know how long that will take with L.A. traffic. I wanted to leave in enough time for the kids to NOT fall asleep in the car, but since we didn't leave until almost 8pm, that wasn't happening. Oh well, at least we missed traffic. We got to the hotel around 9pm and after checking in, I grabbed a luggage cart to use. The girls were all passed out in their car seats, so Andy piled all of our bags and whatnot on the cart, then went up to the room while I stayed with the girls. He came back and we loaded the girls onto the cart. This would have been perfect if they had stayed asleep, but since none of them are four months old anymore, they all woke up. When I put Lana on the cart she had her blankie with her. Five minutes later when we were in the room, she did not. NOOOOO!!

We had them in bed when Lana realized she didn't have her beloved blankie, so we started an all out room search. Luckily, it wasn't that big of a room and we hadn't been there long enough to trash it yet, so it was an easy search that unfortunately, turned up nothing. This was NOT good. I told Andy to backtrack downstairs, search the cart, etc and see what he could find. Meanwhile I continued to tear the room apart. Before he left, he told Lana that she was just going to have to do without it if we couldn't find it. Yeah that's all fine and good, but who's going to be up with her all night as she rocks back and forth, crying for blankie like some jonesing addict? I'm pretty sure that will be ME.


He came back to the room, having found nothing. Then I asked if he checked at the front desk when he was down there.

"Uh no," he replied.

REALLY? See now THAT would have been one of the first things I did, but for some reason he does not think this way. And I don't mean to single him out, because I'm pretty sure there are plenty of husbands out there who wouldn't have done that either. I see you wives nodding in agreement. Do we really have to think of EVERYTHING?

So, I made him go back downstairs to the desk to check and if nothing else to let them know we were looking for it, should it turn up. Five minutes later he came back with a smirk on his face but nothing in his hands, shaking his head no. Then I noticed the little blankie tucked in his back pocket. He walked around for a few minutes, still pretending he hadn't found it, letting Lana squirm a bit more. Then she spotted it, smiled and yelled,"DAD-DY!" She grabbed it out of his pocket and giggled, and immediately started chewing on it. Blech! I don't know how she can do that. Whatever, at least it was back!

My nights sleep was saved-for the most part. Getting them to sleep after their little nap in the car was no easy chore, but we weren't having to do it without a blankie. I still shudder at the thought. I realize I've created monsters with the blankie situation in my house, but now is not the time to tackle that one. I'm thinking more about attempting it when they're say... 22? That's good, right?

Monday, August 23, 2010

Mommy Goes Missing

There are many days when I don't get around to taking a shower until late in the day, sometimes even after the kids go to bed. During the summer, there really isn't a point since it's hot out and I just end up sweating anyway. There are times we go to our neighbor's pool as well, and I don't want to be taking more than one shower a day, because that would just be wasting water. And who doesn't like wasting? Lana? "The earth."

Right. So. One day last week it was late in the afternoon and I decided to jump in the shower before getting the girls' dinner. I put something on for them to watch, because I don't want them trying to kill each other when I can't intervene. Unfortunately, the television is the best solution for that. After I turned on their show and they all became glassy eyed, I informed them, that mommy was going to take a shower and if they needed something that's where they could find me. They all just sorta nodded their eyes never leaving the TV. Hey, at least I knew they wouldn't fight.

I headed back to my bathroom to get myself clean when I realized I needed to make a potty pit stop first. Now, the light in our "toilet closet" is attached to a fan. When you turn on the light the fan automatically goes on and if the door is closed, you can hear NOTHING outside that little room. I closed the door for some peace, flipped on the switch and grabbed my latest book. About three minutes later I thought I could hear something going on down the hall. Great-TV didn't stop the fighting. I turned off the light and opened the door to find out what was going on. From the living room I could hear what sounded like all three girls crying, or more accurately wailing.

"MOOOOOMMMMMYYYY!!!!" Sob, sob, sob.

"WHAT IS GOING ON?!" I yelled from the bathroom.

Suddenly the crying stopped and Sonya said,


"Yeah! What is going on, Sonya?!" I said again.

"Oh..... We didn't know where you were," she told me.

"WHAT? I told you I was going to take a shower, but I had to go to the bathroom first. I'm in my bathroom," I reminded her.

"Oh. Ok," she replied calmly.

"Are you ALL crying?" I asked.

"No," she said. "Just me and Lana. GG wasn't crying."

Let's review. I told them where I was going. Perhaps it was my fault for doing so AFTER I turned on the TV, but still. Then at some point they realized I wasn't around, called for me, but when I didn't respond instead of getting up and looking around, they just decided I was "gone", so they cried about it. I guess it was a pretty good episode of Yo Gabba Gabba. I'm sure they would have searched for me after it ended. And Georgia? Well, either she heard me when I said where I was going, or she just didn't care as much.

You know those stories you hear about with the little kids who call 911 because their mom fell, or had a heart attack and won't wake up? And they end up saving their mom because they found her and called 911? Yeah, I'm pretty sure we won't ever be one of those stories.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's....

This morning Lana lost one of baby bottles underneath our couch. Or should I call it the black hole? We used to have a couch that didn't have an opening underneath, but now that we have a different couch with an opening underneath, all kinds of things get lost under there. Toys, shoes, sippy cups, sometimes with milk that I don't find for DAYS. Yes, I know, ewwww. Anyway, Lana dropped her baby's bottle and it rolled under the couch this morning. She looked at me and said,

"Awwwww! The juice went under there!" Apparently the baby was drinking juice out of this particular bottle.

"Move over I'll get it," I told her.

Then she looked at me, held her finger in the air and said, "NO! I can get it out with the stick!"

She ran off to room to retrieve the "stick"-otherwise known as the mop handle from their play cleaning set. As she ran to the room she yelled,


Within a minute she used the stick to push the bottle out from underneath the couch. Lana saved the day! At least for her baby doll.

Oh Lana! You'll always be my little superhero.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Back To School!

Today is a bittersweet day for me. Usually, when I write I have the younger two down for a nap and Sonya next to me doing some kind of schoolwork. Now, however, Sonya won't be sitting next to me during writing time anymore, because today is the first day of 1st grade. The first day of ALL DAY school.

If you would have talked to me about a month ago, this day couldn't come fast enough. She was starting to drive me summer crazy. The kid really needed more scheduled activities then I provided for this summer, but live and learn. Then about a week and a half ago I got sad thinking about her being gone all day. I would no longer be making and having lunch with her. She would no longer sit next to me, trying to talk as I tried to write. Those thoughts left me a bit gloomy. Then fifteen minutes later she did something to make one of her sisters yell and I was back to hoping this day would quickly get here. Of course now that it is here, I am back to a bit gloomy. I guess it has something to do with how great she was yesterday afternoon and this morning. She was so excited to start 1st grade. She had gotten the teacher she wanted and her best friend, Lourdes is in her class. She was much less apprehensive than she was last year and just generally excited. I guess this excitement put her in a good mood because she decided to be extra pleasant for a while. Everything was,

"Yes, mommy. Okay Mommy, whatever you say mommy."

Then this morning I woke up about 6:45 to the sounds of her moving around a chair in the kitchen and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse playing on the TV. I dragged myself out of bed, put my slippers on and headed down the hall. As I walked into the kitchen, I found Sonya fully dressed in her new first day of school clothes, standing on a chair about to pour milk into a cup for Lana. Lana, who Sonya had convinced to go potty and trade her pull-up for underwear already, was sitting watching Mickey. Usually it takes me at least ten minutes of begging Lana to change into underwear in the morning. Not for Sonya though, nope. Sonya got her to do it first thing. She had also gotten out the cereal she wanted and a bowl from the clean dishwasher. I peeked into her room to find her bed had already been made as well.


Why can't EVERY day be the first day of school?? Or at least the first day of 1st grade. Something tells me the first day of 10th grade won't really go the same way. Something tells me the 10th DAY of first grade won't go the same way either. The only thing she hadn't done was get Georgia out of her crib, but I don't think I'd really want her attempting that anyway.

I commended her on what a great job she had done. She smiled with pride. Then she poured her own cereal and milk. I debated about going back to bed, letting her pack her own lunch, and taking herself to school, but since it was the first day I figured I should help out some.

She was ready to go in record time and asked me to curl her hair since we had an extra moment. I did as she asked, since she was being so great. She looked so much older to me now, as I watched her walk off to the bedroom to go check her hair out in the mirror. She is no longer a baby at all. She is a true little girl. I still say she is little, because until she hits 10 she is little as far as I'm concerned. Even then it's up for debate.

So here I sit all alone in a quiet house with two sleeping kids and one at school all day. I am more morose then I thought I would be.

Then again, here I am in a QUIET house with two SLEEPING kids and one at school ALL DAY! What the hell am I so sad about? Soaps and bon bons here I come!! Or perhaps a nap first. Oh decisions decisions! ( I'll just pretend I don't see that pile of dirty dishes in the sink. )

Happy first day of 1st grade Sonya. I know you are going to be a bright and shining star!

Friday, August 13, 2010

Sonya and Carter Sitting In a Tree...

This past Monday afternoon, my friend Stacy, her husband and son Carter were here for the afternoon. I've mentioned Carter before. He and Sonya have known each other since they were babies, but last year they moved an hour and a half away from us. Sonya was heartbroken, but we still see them sometimes. Stacy's husband's family still lives here in Burbank, so they come up every now and then. We have also been down to visit them. Since they were going to be here on Monday, we made plans to meet up so the kids could play, and Stacy and I could catch up. I really haven't found another good mom friend since she left. Kinda sucks. Anyway we decided to meet at Menchies, because what's better than seeing old friends while eating frozen yogurt in August? On our drive to see them Sonya told me,

"I'm not going to get crazy with Carter today."

Huh? She explained herself further,

"I mean, he doesn't like it when I kiss and hug him, so I'm not going to do that to him today."

"Okay, well that's a good idea," I told her. "Most little boys don't like to kiss girls."

"Why not?" she asked.

"I'm not sure," I told her. "They just don't, but when he gets older he will."

Ooops. Too much information. I forgot who I was talking to.

She proceeded to question me about if her father was like this. Did he not like to kiss girls when he was little and he does now? Yes, Sonya. How about Uncle David and Uncle Matt, were they like that too and now they liked kissing girls?


We get to Menchies, she gets out of the car, walks over to Carter and very calmly says hello to him. They give each other a little hug, but that was it. We had our yogurt and then decided to take the kids to a nearby park to burn off their treat.

Sonya and Carter were having a great time playing together. They were in their own little world playing hide and seek, and climbing on the equipment. Stacy and I chatted while we pushed my little girls in the swings. We had been there for a while, the kids playing the whole time. Then during one of their hide and seek games, I watched as Carter walked up to Sonya, wrapped his arms around her, and planted a kiss on her left cheek.

"Uh-Oh," I said to Stacy, "Carter's done it now."

Sonya let out a squeal and yelled,

"CARTER! You DO like kisses!"

Then... he ran. Unfortunately for him it was too late, he had given her the opening. She ran after him trying to catch him to kiss him back. He eventually lost the race and she caught up to him. She played it cool though and only kissed him back once. They forgot about it after that and continued to play together until we decided to leave about twenty minutes later.

Great. So, it looks like Sonya is learning her boy lessons early. The more you try to leave them alone and just be friends, the more they want to kiss you. That's something that took me 23 years to figure out and my daughter mastered it by 5. Damn kids grow up fast these days!

Monday, August 9, 2010

The Simple Requests of a Two Year Old

I have worked hard with all of my girls to teach them compassion, sympathy, empathy, and just general all around being nice. Sonya has always been a pretty sweet kid and somewhat cuddly. Lana tends to be a bit more tough, and has never been one to hold on to a hug the longest. She does, however, have her moments of sweetness and won't go to sleep without a goodnight hug and kiss. Georgia, on the other hand, is my all around- I want to cuddle, hug and kiss everyone- girl. It's just her nature. She is always walking up to one of us and kissing us on our cheek or arm or hand. This morning she kissed me on my nose as I was getting her dressed, then she said to me,

"I kiss you nose!"

Then I gobbled up both of her cheeks before I finished dressing her.

She also shows a lot of concern for me and what I'm doing. Most days at breakfast I'm standing at the counter eating my cereal and drinking my coffee, as I get breakfast for everyone else while unloading the dishwaher. It's called multitasking and at this point I'm quite efficiant at it. Some days Georgia will look at me bent over the counter shoveling food into my mouth. Then she'll point to the chair next to her and say,

"Mama, come seet dow ova heea."

When she says that to me I have no choice to stop what I'm doing, and go sit next to her to finish my meal. It's actually good, because it reminds me to slloooowwww dooowwwnn and try to enjoy the time I have with my girls. She's also the first one to say to me, "You okay, mama?" when it appears that I have hurt myself.

It really hit me how sympathatic she is, this past weekend, when I was helping her put shoes on to go outside. I was standing bent at the waist, which I've been told a hundred times by my husband not to do. I know, I know bend at the knees. Georgia must have thought the same thing, or that I looked uncomfortable bending over her because she patted the space on the floor beside her and said,

"Mommy, seet you booty dow white heea."

I let out a little giggle partially because of her request, but mostly because of the use of the word "booty". I immediately did as I was told and sat down next to her to finish putting on her shoes.

Even though I believe all of my girls will grow up to be kind, compassionate woman, I think Georgia will be the most sensitive of the three. She's certainly sensitive to my needs to sit down, even if I don't think about it. I know I've had a hand somewhat in making her this way, but I have to say at two years old, I'm sure most of it is just her personality. I love that she gives me these simple requests to keep me in the moment. I love that it's coming from her, the youngest, because it is so much harder for me to take the time out now. She hasn't gotten as much of me as Sonya or even Lana did. I guess it's her way of saying to me-

"Hey lady! Sit down and eat a bowl of cereal with us for crying out loud. We're not going to be this young forever!"

The fact of the matter is, it is ONLY five minutes out of my time cleaning the kitchen, but to them it's having breakfast with their mom. The kitchen isn't going anywhere, but eventually they are. Thank you for reminding me Georgia. I love how sweet you are. It makes eating your cheeks that much tastier.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Bedazzled Boogers

I totally forgot about this story until two nights ago, when Lana woke up in the middle of the night screaming about something in her nose. I guess she woke up and couldn't breathe so well, so she proceeded to just try and blow her nose into the air, with no tissue. When it didn't work, she got frustrated and yelled for me, waking me from my deep slumber at the fun hour of 2am. I managed to get her calmed down and booger free, before climbing back into bed next to my dozing husband who didn't even stir once during the whole ordeal, I might add. Why can men do that? There have been nights were every one of the girls have been up half a dozen times crying, and in our bed. The next morning he'll turn to me and say,

"How was everyone last night? Good?"

REALLY?! You can tell from the luggage under my eyes that maybe, NO, last night wasn't so great? He hears NOTHING.


Back to Lana. A few weeks ago when the in-laws were here, Lana came to me blowing her nose in the air yelling,

"Get it out! GET IT OUT!"

"What's wrong Lana? Calm down," I told her.

"Somting (blow) in my nose!!" She yelled.

"What? Do you have a booger stuck in there?" I mean that can be annoying. We've all been there, when that one dried booger is stuck to the upper inner part of your nose and you just can't seem to blow it out. I totally understood, but she seemed to be getting unreasonably upset. That, however, is not usually a red flag with her. She's three, which means she is like that due to the age, and because well, she's Lana, and she's like that due to her personality.

I quickly grabbed a tissue and made her blow.

"How's that?" I asked inspecting the tissue and seeing nothing significant.

She sniffed then said, "Noohohoh!! STILL THERE!"

"Okay, okay, calm down. Which side is it on?" I asked. She pointed to the left nostril. I put the tissue up to her nose and plugged the right nostril with my finger. Then I instructed her to blow as hard as she could. When she did I could tell it came out. Whew!

"Better?" I asked, as I inspected the tissue again.

"Uh-huh," nodding her head and looking relieved.

Then I realized there was no booger in the tissue. What was in there was not something her body put in her nose, but something she had put in her nose herself. I stared down at a tiny blue bead that was surrounded by mucus in the tissue.

"LANA!" I yelled. "Did you put this in your nose?!" I held the tissue with the bead for her to see.

She just looked up at me and smiled. Then I gave her a small lecture on how it is dangerous to put anything up her nose. I pointed to the fact that she almost got the blue bead stuck up there, and did she really want to go to the hospital and have to get lots of shots?? She shook her head no. I stopped the lecture there and let her go, because I figured she had learned her lesson anyway. The tiny bead had gotten stuck up there for a bit which scared her, so she wouldn't soon forget it.

Why on earth she put it up there in the first place, I have no idea. I am fairly certain she won't do it again. But then, she is Lana, so I guess I shouldn't make statements like that. You could see a story on here that eats those words in less than a month.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Hearing What I Say

It's nice to know that some of the things I tell the girls do get through to them. A few days ago, Lana was washing her hands after going to the bathroom. Quick side note- when Lana and Georgia wash their hands, they like to wash for a REALLY LONG time. This keeps the water running for a REALLY LONG time. I'm always telling them to stop wasting water because "the earth doesn't like that." While Sonya is better with water conservation, she washes her hands so quickly, I'm not sure the water is on for ten seconds. So we've got two contributing to the on-going drought in Southern California, and one spreading germs around because her hands are never truly clean. I can't win.

Well, like a said, a few days ago Lana was washing her hands in the bathroom. I could hear the water running, and running and running. Just as I was about to say something, Georgia walked over to the bathroom and said,

"Yana! You wastin wata!"

Awwww! They DO listen when I speak.

Then Lana got down from the sink. Georgia got up on the chair to wash her own hands at which point SHE ran the water for a REALLY LONG time.

Never mind. I stand by my original statement.

I can't win.